Interpersonal Challenges

We’ve just had a fairly quiet week, which is nice now and then. Chanel competed in her district swimming carnival on Wednesday. I took the day off uni to be with her. It turns out that Chanel is the 18th fastest girl turning 9 this year in 50m freestyle, and the 10th fastest in 50m butterfly. It was so much fun to watch Chanel swim. She felt reasonably pleased with her efforts, and we were thrilled for her.
I got to do some surfing (four times this week). On Thursday it was particularly exciting. Very big, more than double overhead. Great fun. I’m really getting into my surfing, but Kylie has said that I have to limit myself to once per week. Too much petrol! Hard to cope with, but I’ll see how it goes. Perhaps we can make it twice a week, if I smile just right.

I had a challenging interpersonal issue arise this week. Someone I share an office with decided to tell me she wasn’t comfortable sharing an office with me. I was shocked, as I thought things were going remarkably well. While part of me was all too willing to be offended, my better nature took over. I thanked her, invited her suggestions for how things might be improved, and assured her that I had no concerns with her. I shared my feelings about her strengths and why it was positive for me to be in the same office as her. Then I left it to her to decide whether we should seek for me to be relocated.

The next day I discovered that she was willing to leave things as they are. We had a very positive conversation. It also turned out that when she moved into the office over three years ago it took over a year for her to be comfortable with a guy there. And several months when the last girl moved in. So, I’m going well! She’s ok with me after just 4 or 5 weeks! Clearly there’s more to it than I know, but being as soft, understanding and supportive as I could made a big difference.

The situation shook me up a little though. Being told you make someone feel so uncomfortable they have migraines and can’t come to work isn’t good for the ego. It also made me question a few things about my study. I realised I really have no idea what I’m doing. I began to feel a little lost. Then I decided that was probably correct. At this point I should be lost. And even though I don’t really know what I’m doing, I know why I’m doing it. I think that’s more important, and I think that will get me further.

I spent a few hours trying to get the Internet connected wirelessly this week. No joy. Hopefully we’ll make more progress this week.

Speaking of progress, I have my fingers crossed that we’ll finally have our oven installed this week. It’s 8 weeks since we moved in and it’s still not done. This is driving me crazy! So it the heap of rubbish next to the carport that we’ve been asking to have moved. Renting is no fun. And we still don’t know what’s happening with the motorbike. It’s in QLD, and should be either painted or sold. At this point it is neither painted nor sold. I’ve been without it over two months and things are about to come to a climax! Hopefully by next week I’ll be able to report that I have sold the bike, gotten rid of the rubbish, and am cooking a roast! I hope…

Last night it was off to the chapel for a 70th birthday party as a surprise for one of the older ladies in the congregation. It was a lot of fun. We are making some great friends down here in Wollongong, and feeling increasingly comfortable here. But I think I had too many lemonades. Dehydration and headaches today! If lemonade does that, I’m grateful I don’t drink. I don’t think my constitution would let me survive!

Two more quick comments. Firstly, I LOVE what I’m studying. The research on happiness is entirely stimulating for me. I am thrilled to be paid a scholarship to think! I think all day. Mostly I’m thinking about what purposeful positive relationship behaviours are critical for families to flourish. It is invigorating.

Secondly, I LOVE the opportunity to be teaching at church again. It seems to have been some time since I’ve had that opportunity. While the young men I teach do not get anywhere near as much out of what I’m saying, it feels so good to teach Truth.

Swimming and Snails

What a fortnight!

We have enjoyed so many blessings, and had so many terrific experiences that it’s hard to know where to begin.

Chanel is becoming a superstar! Our big girl has settled in remarkably quickly at her new school and is doing extremely well scholastically. While Chanel doesn’t have much motivation to work hard, and usually procrastinates as much as possible, she performs at a very high standard. She also loves to play! She spends as much time in the backyard, up trees, or on the swings and trampoline, as she can. We’re reading Black Beauty together each evening. She’s really enjoying it.

Last week Chanel attended her swimming carnival. She was full of optimism following her successes at Cannon Hill last year. But when I saw how big some of the girls turning 9 this year were I grew concerned. Chanel came 3rd in her freestyle 50m. She felt ok but a little disappointed. Then came backstroke. Oops; dead last. Breast stroke wasn’t much better. Then came the announcement for the 50m butterfly. I saw a glimmer of hope in her eyes and wished her well, but I was less than helpful. My pessimism was strengthened when I saw she was the youngest and smallest in the event. The race was for 8, 9 and 10 year old girls.

Chanel dived in beautifully and began the race. I heard the four boys in front of me saying, “Look at that Chantelle girl!” “No, it’s Chanel”. “Oh, whatever, look how good she is.” Sure enough, Chanel was in the front and charging up the centre of the pool. I got so excited I started yelling “Go Chanel!” as I ran alongside the pool. She came first! WOW! I was so thrilled for her.

Because of her successful swimming, Chanel goes to the District swimming carnival this Wednesday. What an achiever! She also got selected for “house relays” and swam brilliantly. Kylie and I are in awe of Chanel.

Abbie and Ella are settling into their routines and school environments well too. I think that the effects of the move are finally being overcome, and the girls are bouncing back from the massive changes they’ve been through. Ella was even excited about going to church today – the first time since we got to Wollongong nearly 7 weeks ago.

Kylie and I have reviewed the way we structure our schedule and changed things so that I come home around 4pm, shortly after Kylie has done the school pick-up. This allows us to spend time with the children reading and doing other worthwhile activities related to schooling. (I’m quite opposed to mindless homework sheets, but love to see the children engaged in meaningful projects or reading). I’ve been using the time to teach Abbie her “sight words.” These are the words that children should be able to recognise on sight. It has been so much fun. Abbie learned 10 words this week: big, I, come, jump, up, down, A, and, not and in. Abbie is so excited! And we are having great fun. Kylie laminated two sets of all the words (100 of them) and we do a couple each day. We put them all together and play games like snap, memory, fish and so on. I think Abbie will be a terrific reader.

Ella is a real scientist. She is particularly enamoured with anything that crawls outside. Snails have really captured her attention recently due to the remarkably moist conditions we’ve experienced. We have tried to tell Ella that snails are kinda gross, but she is committed to continuing her investigations of them. The other day we were eating breakfast at the table. I noticed that Ella was looking in her breast pocket every few seconds. She was keeping a couple of snails in there! Oh dear.

Ella’s pre-school is amazing. The quality of care and education is second to none. But it comes at a price. We misread the materials due to our enthusiasm for the facility and thought the cost was similar to what we paid for Abbie in Brisbane. But Abbie’s weekly cost is what we pay PER DAY for Ella. Ella’s pre-school is triple what we thought it was. Ouch.

But we’re very, exceptionally, happy with it, and we’ll persist. There’s a teacher who spends a couple of hours each day one-on-one with Ella working on her speech and language. The facilities are superb. So we’ll keep it up.

Our home is wonderfully conducive to the children spending a lot of time playing. The tv is on less than half of what it used to be in Brisbane. And while the kids would love to watch more, they happily amuse themselves when we direct them to another room or outside. The yard is great, the trees are perfect for climbing, and the house is still an adventure. Kylie is such a wonderful support. Most of her day is spent with Ella (when she’s at home) and Annie. Her commitment and effort (not to mention support) are amazing. Kylie is making friends with neighbours and ladies from church and is slowly feeling more comfortable. I think it will be a while still, and her friends from Brisbane are irreplaceable, but things are getting better.

And Annie has decided that she’s serious about getting bigger. She is putting on lots of weight, smiling as much as ever, and has decided to eat solids three times a day! We are amazed at Annie. I’ve never seen a baby who is so loving, and able to show it. She has three mothers in her big sisters. They adore her, particularly Chanel.

Last weekend Pop Bunt got a surprise. It was his 80th birthday, and mum organised a surprise party. About 70 family and friends showed up to the Auburn tennis club to celebrate with him, and surprise him. Mum organised a bus to pick Nan and Pop up from their home. It was the same bus that Pop drove when he was a bus-driver about 40 years ago. We all got on the old bus and drove to the house. When he came out and saw it he was tickled pink! He got on board, saying “I’m overwhelmed.” We had such a great time being there with him and nan. What’s most thrilling for Kylie and I is that our kids are experiencing their great-grandparents. We hope they have great memories of wonderful people.

As for me, I cannot remember living a more balanced, wonderful life! I am having the most terrific time living in Wollongong! Surfing has become a three or four session-a-week activity. I am having so much fun surfing, and finding it incredibly fulfilling.

My studies are going beautifully. I love what I am learning, and I am learning amazing things almost every day.

After being in this house for a little over 6 weeks we finally had an oven delivered yesterday. We have been pleading for one for weeks! It gets really hard to enjoy a wide variety of food without an oven. It should be wired up in the next couple of days. I can’t wait for that first roast! My stomach is rumbling just thinking of it.

This afternoon we realigned our Sunday afternoon priorities. We’re writing in journals more. We started it off by showing the kids what we wrote in our journals as children their age. They loved hearing about the things we wrote about and did at their age. Kylie and I were also grateful for the things that our parents took the time to record on our behalf. It was fascinating to hear what our parents really thought of us as little tykes! The memories are priceless. What’s incredible to me is that without the journals it would all be forgotten. I’m so grateful we have them.

And spiritually, things are improving. I went to a super leadership training at Campbelltown on Friday night. I was so inspired by what I was taught. Today at church I spoke to the young men about the Plan of Salvation. We spent a lot of time talking about what it is to learn Faith in Jesus Christ and why it is so important. As we talked about the nature of our relationship with Him because of the atonement I was uplifted. I hope they were too.

Not only is it impossible for me to count my blessings, but I cannot comprehend the breadth and depth of them!

Starting School

So many blessings, so much to delight in.

Kylie is not as in love with our new surroundings as me, but that’s understandable. I’m ready to buy a house here! Obviously we can’t do that right now, but Wollongong is a terrific place. But Kylie is warming to things here. We like it.

This week Annie began rolling over, and back! And after showing absolutely no interest in solid food two weeks ago, began attacking a melon that Kylie was holding yesterday. She is growing too fast. But the best thing about Annie is still that unending infectious smile.

Most noteworthy events this week were the three eldest girls commencing school. Abbie began “big school” for the first time. She approached the schoolyard optimistically. As children were called in to class her mood changed to solemn. Then came some tears. I wanted to get a photo so I asked Abbie to look at the camera. Instantly she smiled! The conditioned response took over and the tears were forgotten. I got a nice picture of her. She went to class happily and willingly and hasn’t looked back. There are still a few small complaints about mummy attending school for the whole day, but Abbie is settling in as well as we could have hoped.

Chanel went into Grade 3 at Figtree Public School. Confident and happy. At the end of her first day at school Chanel reported eight friends! Wow! Chanel is settling in well. I should also mention that our neighbours have four daughters. Chanel and Mary (one of the neighbour’s girls) held a “concert” in our backyard this week. Invitations were given to all family members. The backyard was reorganized with seating for all. Seat allocations were provided, refreshments offered, and entertainment delivered. The girls had a great time and we got to know the Milross family a little better. Just before the concert I spotted a blue-tongue lizard. I was too scared to pick it up, although I never admitted that to anyone. Despite my reluctance, Chanel gave chase and within seconds she had the lizard in her grasp. No fear!


Ella also started at a community kindergarten. Kylie, who has a background in early childhood education, said that the kindergarten is exceptional. It is well staffed, very supportive, and should facilitate Ella’s learning and development optimally. We’re feeling so blessed not only that we got Ella in two days each week, but that we even found it! Our little Ella is very frustrated at the moment, trying to communicate with us and feeling like too many things have happened too fast. For all her challenges, Ella is remarkably endearing. We think the world of that little girl.

It was a privilege to bless my girls before they went to school. I’m confident that the Lord watches my children.

I’m really excited for Kylie at the moment as well. Kylie has begun to read several of the very best books that I have on my bookshelf. She’s really enjoying them! That makes me really excited as we experience shared insights. The books are really changing Kylie too. It’s exciting to see and participate.

I love my studies. It is a really strange situation. I have no curriculum to follow, and nobody prodding me, giving me deadlines, or showing me where to go or what to do. Such is the nature of post-graduate research. So I go to my office at the university each day and simply do whatever I think I should. Entire autonomy.

My studies are centering on what it takes to live “the good life”, and particularly how character strengths and virtues help us obtain a feeling of well-being and satisfaction in our lives. Psychologists are increasingly discovering empirically what has been known for centuries; that meaning and happiness in life are founded upon living a life of character and goodness. Jefferson, in 1819, stated “Happiness is the aim of life, but virtue is the foundation of happiness.”

As I considered his statement I was reminded of a scripture that tells us that we “are that [we] may have joy.” Another prophet warned that “wickedness never was happiness.” Ironic that thousands of years after prophets have told us how to be happy, psychologists are just getting the message. In living virtuously, developing character strengths, we find satisfaction in our own lives. But this satisfaction is not so much a result or “effect” of living such a life. Instead it is entwined in virtue in the same way that in an ocean sunrise we find beauty. One doesn’t cause the other, rather they are implicit within each other, inseparably connected.

I love my life! And I love my studies!

Finally, a personal note. Life is wonderful. We have been so blessed. However, like everyone, there have been moments this week where I have been below my best. This afternoon I attended a funeral service for a man that I believe was a prophet of God. The President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints – Gordon Bitner Hinckley – passed away last week aged 97. As I attended the service (via satellite) I was reminded of the goodness, even the greatness, of what I can be. He was a great man; in service, humility, kindness, wisdom, and so many other virtues. Leaving the service I was inspired to be better in every way. Especially as a father and husband. So from today I will work harder to stand a little taller in the most important roles I will ever have. In so doing, perhaps I might be seen as one who follows in the footsteps of great men.