Sunday 14th February, 2010
I am savouring a week of blessings and joy, as exhaustion slowly absorbs me. The past seven days have been nothing short of exceptional.
Monday was a relatively ordinary day, beginning with a 90km ride in the rain. I spent the day at uni preparing a presentation due to be presented on Friday. Our Family Home Evening on Monday night was simple, short, and not memorable.
Tuesday I rode a hard 50km before uni. Final presentation preparations were made. A long lunch was attended celebrating a fellow PhD students’ completion of her thesis. It was costly, too long, but enjoyable. The afternoon was spent playing mechanic with my bike after all the riding in the rain. Then I raced home to race out to Young Mens. The boys had their first learn-to-surf lesson with me as teacher. To say they were a spectacular failure would not put too fine a point on it. But I always maintain that anyone who is, today, good at something, was once poor at it. My encouragement may have fallen on deaf ears though. None of our young men share my love of the ocean. The evening was one of the most beautiful nights I can recall. I wished that Kylie and the children were there. Warm water, perfect sky, stunning sunset.
Wednesday I rode with my friends until lunch time (around 80kms) before returning to work. After a few hours I decided enough was enough. My presentation could be refined no more without me going batty! So I worked briefly on my next project, and then called it quits. We picked the children up from school and went to the beach. Chanel, Ella, and Abbie caught waves on their boogie boards for two hours. The delight they experienced catching waves and the delight Kylie and I felt as we watched them were beyond words. We ate Chickos for dinner, despite the negative impact it has on our budget. We were too tired out from too much fun at the beach.
Thursday morning I rode 60kms and arrived home in time to take the children to school. The architect came and reviewed the renovation plans with us. We are excited to start changing things! Our plans go to council in the coming fortnight. I packed my bags, ate lunch, and Kylie and Annie drove me to the airport for my flight to Melbourne. Because my little sister Rachel lives in Melbourne, we met and ate Mexican for dinner – too much Mexican! I don’t remember being so full, ever!
Friday morning I went for a short 45km ride before attending day one of the 2nd Australian Positive Psychology and Wellbeing Conference. While I gleaned a few gems, I was generally disappointed with the first day. It lacked scientific rigour, was too focussed on “happy-ology” and failed to satisfy. In spite of this, there were three specific highlights that made the trip to Melbourne completely worthwhile!
First, following the morning’s proceedings I came across Professor Christopher Petersen. The man is arguably the second biggest name in the positive psychology area. Put simply, he is top dog, or close to it. I introduced myself and politely indicated that I have a deep concern with the focus positive psychology puts on the individual, the workplace, the classroom, and the fact that after over a decade there is still no significant research being done with respect to “families” and what makes for optimal outcomes. He was thoughtful, before agreeing with me and describing some beginnings that he is aware of. I told him of my research and said I would be presenting later that day. He volunteered to attend, and confirmed his genuine interest! And he showed up as promised. I was grateful I was prepared well! The second highlight of day one, for me, was that my presentation was a success and well received. It also reminded me that an academic career is not going to light me up the way a career built on teaching and sharing with others will.
The third highlight of the day was at dinner. A friend from uni (who is also doing a PhD), his friend (an English PhD student), and I sat down to eat and were approached by an older lady, probably in her early 60’s. She asked if she could join us and we happily said yes, not knowing who she was. As she sat down she asked how we felt about the conference. I was upfront. As I completed my negative judgement of the day I saw her nametag. Professor Felicia Huppert is a Cambridge University Professor of Psychology who has done just about everything! And here I am spruiking my critical opinion… to my relief she agreed entirely. She then spent an entire TWO HOURS talking with the three of us in one of the most wonderful, stimulating conversations I have ever had! We talked about research and ideas, issues and concerns. It was riveting. What amazed me in both of the big experiences of the day was the willingness of “big” people to divest themselves of ego and engage and connect with young, inexperienced, and relatively uneducated people like me. Their humility and generosity made my day.
Saturday morning I had one of the hardest rides I can remember. I rode about 80km from Melbourne to Frankston and back with about 150 other riders. I think our average speed was close to 45km/h. The entire ride was done in around 2 hours. I had an additional 20km to do in order to get to Rachel’s apartment and clean up for the conference, so it was another big day on the bike.
Sadly, again, the conference itself disappointed, although it was a definite improvement on day one! Chris Petersen talked with me for around 30 minutes, discussing his thoughts on my project and presentation. It was a privilege to receive that kind of attention from one of the world’s leading minds in my area. We covered some terrific material. I arrived at the airport, courtesy of Rachel again, exhausted and eager to be with my family. Kylie met me at 9pm back in Sydney and we drove through the heat and rain to Wollongong. Clean sheets are a delight and I slept heavily.
While I was in Melbourne Ella completed her second week of school. We are seeing her flourish there. Her development is unmistakable, and her teacher is beautifully supportive. We have so much to be grateful for in Mrs. Morgan. Chanel competed on Friday night and won her racing on the track. And Abbie began to play songs with two hands on the piano in her Saturday morning lesson.
Saturday was the Karis Removals Christmas party – at Jamberoo park, just down the road from us. Mum and dad invited the family and the children had a wonderful time. Unfortunately Kylie slipped and fell and hurt herself. Sunday was not much better and a quick visit to the maternity unit was completed for reassurance that all was well. Only about 9 weeks until our new baby is with us in person! We can’t wait.
Sunday was a treat, despite being completely tired out. Sacrament meeting was a time of reflection. I took Kylie to the hospital during Sunday School class. Then I taught the young men about the eternal importance of families. As we contemplated the prospect of eternal families and the importance of our families in mortality I struggled to hold my emotions in check. The boys and other leaders were visibly moved, and the day ended with deep Spiritual feelings of love.
This afternoon the children have played games together, splashed in puddles in the rain, read books, and been entirely delightful! Our roast dinner is about to be served. And I cannot help but be grateful for remarkable joy, abundance, and grace in my life.
To conclude, some of the random positive and useful thoughts that came from the conference…
“We need to move from a welfare economy to a wellbeing economy”
“We need to move from consuming material goods to non-material goods”
5 ways to wellbeing: Need to connect; Be active; Take notice; Keep learning; Give.
We need to eliminate the competitive model in organisations and education. Cooperate, not compete.
Vision without action is merely a dream, Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.
Songs express who we are and how we feel, they bring us closer to others, they keep us company when we are alone. They articulate our beliefs and values, and they bear witness to our lives. Songs weave tales of our joys and sorrows, they reveal our innermost secrets, and they express our hopes and disappointments, our fears and triumphs. They are our musical diaries, our life stories. They are the sounds of our personal development.
Cruelty in almost every case is related to inattentiveness. If we truly pay attention we are far more likely to be compassionate.
Trying to control an emotion is very different to learning not to let an emotion control you.
Any man who can drive safely while kissing a girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves – Einstein.
Sunday, 14 February 2010
Sunday, 7 February 2010
The Little Red Hen, and other stories.
I was just about to begin my report of the past two weeks when Ella dashed down the stairs past me. “Don’t worry Dad, I’m not going to ask you any questions” she panted as she sprinted into the kitchen. No more than five seconds later she raced back past me on her way up the stairs. Pausing, she stared at me and in all sincerity reassured me “I love you Daddy, and I always will.” I don’t think there’s anything better.
While the past fortnight has been extremely busy, it has also been rather dull. My days have consisted of writing a report of my most recent study. Perhaps a brief overview will not be too much of an imposition: I am interested in the concept of people having a “calling” in life, and specifically whether or not people can feel ‘called’ to be parents. I interviewed parents to ask them how they would describe ‘calling’ and what their experiences of calling may be, whether in their own lives or in the lives of others. Previous researchers have only ever examined calling in the vocational context, so this is quite a new idea to be examining it in the parental domain.
My participants’ responses suggest that calling in parenthood can and does exist. The core components they identified were that called parents see the role as a central part of their identity, sense great meaning in the role, sacrifice significantly, have parenting always on their mind, felt and remain drawn to do their best in the role, and are passionate about being parents. These results are consistent with the concept of calling in other roles and seem to be valuable in both research and applied directions. In particular the idea of calling is linked to optimal outcomes in other domains and so we anticipate that more research will yield similar results in family life. This will make this research very useful for practitioners and those who develop interventions for parents in need. Finally some success with my PhD.
The report is essentially finished now, and I hope to submit it in the coming week or two. If I can see it published that will be a significant and positive outcome.
On Australia Day we spent considerable time with Tim and Kesh again. They visited us for Family Home Evening the night previous and we ate Chickos. Lots of it! Then on Tuesday we ventured south to Gerringong where they stayed. We took the children to the beach and swam, before returning to their accommodation for barbequed lamb chops, leftover Chickos, and more.
The following day, Wednesday the 27th Jan, I had a special errand to run for the University. Grant applications were due in Canberra – a 3 hour drive. Several million dollars worth of grants were being applied for by our department and to ensure they arrived safely and on time I was given a hire car and paid to drive to Canberra and back to deliver them. I took three small passengers with me: Chanel, Abbie, and Ella. We met our friends, the Thayer family, and visited Questacon – the National Science Centre – for the day! Given that it was the last day of NSW school holidays the place was almost empty. The children barely had to line up for anything, and played for hours. It was a wonderful treat.
Chanel and Abbie started school on Thursday. Chanel is now a Grade 5 girl while Abbie moved into Grade 2. They have had a stellar start to the school year and things are going very well for them.
Friday night was a superb night at the velodrome. Chanel had the race of her life, hanging onto the back of the older, faster girls as they raced. She managed to ride further, faster, and longer than ever before and was so overwhelmed by the experience that she burst into tears when she finally stopped after the race. She was ecstatic about her effort and loved telling everyone how hard she had worked.
Saturday we enjoyed time in the pool during the morning. I had a bike race during the afternoon, called cyclocross. It’s a race over all kinds of terrain and obstacles requiring the riders to dismount, carry their bikes on their shoulders, and essentially ride their hearts out. We had a tremendous time. I finished 8th in a field of just under 20 riders, which I was pleased with given that I don’t have the type of bike-handling skills and experience many of the other riders had. It was a hard race. That night my legs were so sore I could barely climb the stairs to bed. Exhaustion!
Sunday was quiet at church. It is such an important part of my week and I love being there. We had Verna and her two daughters over for a pancake and ice-cream lunch. Sweet, sticky, and completely, delectably, delicious.
Monday Feb 1 was Ella’s first day of kindergarten. Our 3rd daughter is now at big school! We were extremely nervous. Ella has always required a lot of her teachers and has obviously had some special needs over the years. To say that this week has been successful for Ella is to understate just how wonderful it really has been! Ella loves school. She loves her teachers. She is developing friendships. We are so grateful that the transition to school has been so successful.
Abbie recommenced piano lessons this week and is delighted to be back there. We are hopeful that her progress will be exciting to watch over the year. And Chanel swam in her swimming carnival for school on Friday. She enjoyed her day and swam well, winning the 50m butterfly and breaststroke for her age, as well as placing second in the 50m backstroke and freestyle. In addition she placed third in the 100m freestyle, which was also against girls a year older than her. As if that is not enough, she will also represent her school at the district swimming carnival in all four of the 50m events and the 200m individual medley. Chanel is feeling pretty good about her efforts.
Saturday I went for an early bike ride, leaving home shortly before 5.30am. It was wet, windy, and pouring rain at various times, but I still snuck in around 110kms AND returned home 20 minutes early. What a guy! My daddy-daughter date was with Abbie. We visited the RSPCA to find a pet puppy but there were none available. Then we visited the Wollongong Science Centre (part of the deal when we bought our annual pass to Questacon). It was such a treat. Lots of fun.
Saturday night brought with it the highlight of the week though I think. Not only did we have one of my favourite meals for dinner – wraps – but we were treated to a puppet show by Abbie and Ella. They hid behind the lounge and held the puppets up above the top. They then re-enacted the story of the Little Red Hen from memory. I didn’t even know they knew it! They giggled infectiously and soon our whole family was laughing out loud with delight. And they told the whole story! It was the best puppet show I’ve ever seen in our family. Then the children put on their favourite CD of kids songs and danced and jumped around the lounge room with complete and absolute vigour. It was such a treat to watch and laugh with them.
Sunday was testimony meeting. It was a refreshingly good meeting, perhaps as much because of who didn’t speak as who did. With only five minutes to go our Stake President rose and commenced his “testimony”. It lasted approximately 20 minutes. After around 15 minutes Chanel looked up at me and asked, “Is he going to talk about everything?” It was very funny, but hard to sit through. By that time the children throughout the chapel knew it was beyond our regular meeting time, and were eager to be out the door. So his testimony really pushed a few buttons. But he is a good man, and had an important message. The afternoon was restful. I accidentally fell asleep for nearly three hours. Yikes. I knew I was tired, but did not expect that!
So now dinner is about to be eaten. Steak with chilli and basil – YUM! The children are happily ensconced in their activities and are anxiously awaiting another chapter or two of Enid Blyton’s “Enchanted Wood.” Our family is blessed beyond all deserving, and we are deeply grateful.
While the past fortnight has been extremely busy, it has also been rather dull. My days have consisted of writing a report of my most recent study. Perhaps a brief overview will not be too much of an imposition: I am interested in the concept of people having a “calling” in life, and specifically whether or not people can feel ‘called’ to be parents. I interviewed parents to ask them how they would describe ‘calling’ and what their experiences of calling may be, whether in their own lives or in the lives of others. Previous researchers have only ever examined calling in the vocational context, so this is quite a new idea to be examining it in the parental domain.
My participants’ responses suggest that calling in parenthood can and does exist. The core components they identified were that called parents see the role as a central part of their identity, sense great meaning in the role, sacrifice significantly, have parenting always on their mind, felt and remain drawn to do their best in the role, and are passionate about being parents. These results are consistent with the concept of calling in other roles and seem to be valuable in both research and applied directions. In particular the idea of calling is linked to optimal outcomes in other domains and so we anticipate that more research will yield similar results in family life. This will make this research very useful for practitioners and those who develop interventions for parents in need. Finally some success with my PhD.
The report is essentially finished now, and I hope to submit it in the coming week or two. If I can see it published that will be a significant and positive outcome.
On Australia Day we spent considerable time with Tim and Kesh again. They visited us for Family Home Evening the night previous and we ate Chickos. Lots of it! Then on Tuesday we ventured south to Gerringong where they stayed. We took the children to the beach and swam, before returning to their accommodation for barbequed lamb chops, leftover Chickos, and more.
The following day, Wednesday the 27th Jan, I had a special errand to run for the University. Grant applications were due in Canberra – a 3 hour drive. Several million dollars worth of grants were being applied for by our department and to ensure they arrived safely and on time I was given a hire car and paid to drive to Canberra and back to deliver them. I took three small passengers with me: Chanel, Abbie, and Ella. We met our friends, the Thayer family, and visited Questacon – the National Science Centre – for the day! Given that it was the last day of NSW school holidays the place was almost empty. The children barely had to line up for anything, and played for hours. It was a wonderful treat.
Chanel and Abbie started school on Thursday. Chanel is now a Grade 5 girl while Abbie moved into Grade 2. They have had a stellar start to the school year and things are going very well for them.
Friday night was a superb night at the velodrome. Chanel had the race of her life, hanging onto the back of the older, faster girls as they raced. She managed to ride further, faster, and longer than ever before and was so overwhelmed by the experience that she burst into tears when she finally stopped after the race. She was ecstatic about her effort and loved telling everyone how hard she had worked.
Saturday we enjoyed time in the pool during the morning. I had a bike race during the afternoon, called cyclocross. It’s a race over all kinds of terrain and obstacles requiring the riders to dismount, carry their bikes on their shoulders, and essentially ride their hearts out. We had a tremendous time. I finished 8th in a field of just under 20 riders, which I was pleased with given that I don’t have the type of bike-handling skills and experience many of the other riders had. It was a hard race. That night my legs were so sore I could barely climb the stairs to bed. Exhaustion!
Sunday was quiet at church. It is such an important part of my week and I love being there. We had Verna and her two daughters over for a pancake and ice-cream lunch. Sweet, sticky, and completely, delectably, delicious.
Monday Feb 1 was Ella’s first day of kindergarten. Our 3rd daughter is now at big school! We were extremely nervous. Ella has always required a lot of her teachers and has obviously had some special needs over the years. To say that this week has been successful for Ella is to understate just how wonderful it really has been! Ella loves school. She loves her teachers. She is developing friendships. We are so grateful that the transition to school has been so successful.
Abbie recommenced piano lessons this week and is delighted to be back there. We are hopeful that her progress will be exciting to watch over the year. And Chanel swam in her swimming carnival for school on Friday. She enjoyed her day and swam well, winning the 50m butterfly and breaststroke for her age, as well as placing second in the 50m backstroke and freestyle. In addition she placed third in the 100m freestyle, which was also against girls a year older than her. As if that is not enough, she will also represent her school at the district swimming carnival in all four of the 50m events and the 200m individual medley. Chanel is feeling pretty good about her efforts.
Saturday I went for an early bike ride, leaving home shortly before 5.30am. It was wet, windy, and pouring rain at various times, but I still snuck in around 110kms AND returned home 20 minutes early. What a guy! My daddy-daughter date was with Abbie. We visited the RSPCA to find a pet puppy but there were none available. Then we visited the Wollongong Science Centre (part of the deal when we bought our annual pass to Questacon). It was such a treat. Lots of fun.
Saturday night brought with it the highlight of the week though I think. Not only did we have one of my favourite meals for dinner – wraps – but we were treated to a puppet show by Abbie and Ella. They hid behind the lounge and held the puppets up above the top. They then re-enacted the story of the Little Red Hen from memory. I didn’t even know they knew it! They giggled infectiously and soon our whole family was laughing out loud with delight. And they told the whole story! It was the best puppet show I’ve ever seen in our family. Then the children put on their favourite CD of kids songs and danced and jumped around the lounge room with complete and absolute vigour. It was such a treat to watch and laugh with them.
Sunday was testimony meeting. It was a refreshingly good meeting, perhaps as much because of who didn’t speak as who did. With only five minutes to go our Stake President rose and commenced his “testimony”. It lasted approximately 20 minutes. After around 15 minutes Chanel looked up at me and asked, “Is he going to talk about everything?” It was very funny, but hard to sit through. By that time the children throughout the chapel knew it was beyond our regular meeting time, and were eager to be out the door. So his testimony really pushed a few buttons. But he is a good man, and had an important message. The afternoon was restful. I accidentally fell asleep for nearly three hours. Yikes. I knew I was tired, but did not expect that!
So now dinner is about to be eaten. Steak with chilli and basil – YUM! The children are happily ensconced in their activities and are anxiously awaiting another chapter or two of Enid Blyton’s “Enchanted Wood.” Our family is blessed beyond all deserving, and we are deeply grateful.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)