Getting it right

In the past week or two we have moved Lilli out of her cot and into a big bed. Our two year-old has made the cot that has served five daughters redundant. Despite finding her sleeping UNDER the bed one night, and finding her sleeping in the closet another night, Lilli seems to have made the transition to the big bed quite well.

The change has required some bedroom reorganisation. Chanel finally has her own room and is really appreciating her own personal space. Abbie and Ella share in the bunk beds. Lilli and Annie are sharing their room. It seems to working quite well.

Monday I had an appointment with the doctor. I was experiencing my 8^th consecutive day of the same headache. I had blood tests and scans but nothing was found to be wrong. My boss suggested that I take a few days off and rest. I embraced the idea – except for the ‘rest’ part. I organised for a massage (painful and no fun, but necessary), and then spent a couple of days marking exams, marking papers, and catching up on work around the house. Plus I spent a little time on Happy Families things as well.

Wednesday was ANZAC day. Kylie went to the dawn service while I “watched” the kids. They’re pretty easy to watch at 4.30am. Fortunately my snoring didn’t wake them up. We enjoyed a morning in the park with friends, ate lunch together, and then I took some time out to visit Nan and Pop Bunt in Auburn. We had a fun time. I took on Nan in a crossword challenge. Despite the fact that I was holding the paper – and the clues, letters, and pen – Nan was exceptional. She knew words I’d never heard of, and answered the crossword clues before I could even get all the information out. Then I showed her how to play Sudoku. That was great fun, and Nan seemed energised by the challenge. I visited the temple after my visit to Nan, making the day feel entirely worthwhile and fulfilling. We packed a lot of good quality activities into a short time.

I also received some feedback on my book from Wally Goddard. The man has been someone I look up to for over a decade now. After reading the book he wrote the following as a recommendation: “This wise, insightful, and engaging book is one of the best parenting books I have ever read! I recommend it to you wholeheartedly.” All of these remarkable people writing such kind things about my work is humbling. I find myself wondering if they really read it! I hope the mums and dads who read it feel the same way.

I feel as though we are starting to work out the best way to make weekends work. Saturday was a dream. Kylie and I rode 45kms while the children woke up and organised themselves. I took Annie to the park for two hours and began her bike riding lessons. She did well for a 4 year-old who hasn’t ridden before. I took the training wheels off and ran alongside her. My back ached by the end (from running so far while bending over and supporting her) but she made some exciting progress. We took the family, and Benson, to the beach for a swim at lunch. The water is still delightful despite being a month away from winter. Then Kylie went to Campbelltown for a church activity and I watched the new Tin Tin movie with the kids. We loved it. Non-stop action, funny, and very well made. Kylie arrived home late to find a vase full of lilies, some ginger kisses, and the new Mission Impossible movie set up and ready to go. Great movie. Late night. Paying for it today.

Sunday was quiet. Church was uneventful. I delegated my teaching to an assistant and simply enjoyed being there today. Tonight Kylie and Chanel are back in Campbelltown for a youth activity, the children are well fed, and life is peaceful... until it all starts again in the morning.

Sunday Roast

This week began with an unexpected flurry. Kylie received a call from her family in Brisbane and decided that she missed her folks and her sisters. We had been discussing the idea of Kylie taking our children up to QLD to be with them during the school holidays but had dismissed the idea as too hard. The phone call must have touched Kylie’s “missing my parents” bone, and she unexpectedly reversed our previous decision, telling me that she wanted to be with them. We packed the car, prayed for safety, and said goodbye. Kylie arrived in Brisbane around 13 hours later, at 10pm Monday night – with all the kids still alive, phew.

As we packed the car I had a funny incident with Ella. She was looking for something that was important and was upset, claiming it was lost. Annoyed, I responded by asking, “Well Ella, where do you think you probably left it?” Without missing a beat Ella gently reprimanded me. “Dad, if I knew where I left it I wouldn’t be looking for it because it wouldn’t be lost.” Part of me wanted to let her know I don’t like to be talked to like that. But the better part of me won out and I thanked her for her clarity and logic. We hugged and continued searching.

While Kylie spent valuable time with family in Brisbane I worked. My workload has been enormous. Teaching, lecturing, researching, marking, writing, reviewing, and who knows what else? Monday night I visited Tim and Kesh in Gerringong and ate pasta – really good pasta. And ice-cream – really really good ice-cream. I had the most fun I’ve had with my little brother in a long time.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were long, tedious days at the office. They were tinged with a few small highlights though. The best one of all was that I received a hard copy of the book I’ve written. I now need to review it to see if there are any further revisions required. This is my last chance to make any changes, and then it gets printed. I also received three cover ‘roughs’ to determine what the book will actually look like. It’s really starting to happen now. The momentum is building and so is my anticipation.

In addition, several people have read the draft of the book and sent through some very positive endorsements. They include this from Professor Todd Kashdan, author of several books including “Curious”:

"One of the most thoughtful, intelligent discussions of parenting. I found myself nodding my head in agreement, talking to friends and family about passages, and immediately applying techniques. A fantastic resource for the most difficult and meaningful part of our lives."

And this from Professor Tim Sharp – Australia’s “Dr Happy”:

"This is an important book on arguably the most important topic of all. Justin does a fantastic job of distilling the latest parenting research into readable and practical words of advice mums and dads so desperately want and need." 

I’m feeling pretty pleased about things, and increasingly grateful for the blessing to have the book written. I still reflect on the incredible feelings of gratitude I had when I received the phone call to say I was getting a book deal. I feel so blessed.

Friday night the hours could not go fast enough. Kylie was driving home again. I love reunions.

Saturday was superb. Kylie did craft, sewing gifts for Kesh’s baby shower which was scheduled for the afternoon. Her creativity and the quality of her work is amazing. I took the five children to the beach with the dog for a little over two hours. They swam, ran, built sandcastles, and complained when it was time to leave. We drove to Kesh’s parent’s place, arriving an hour late for the baby shower. But it was good to be there.

Sunday we attended Stake Conference in Campbelltown. A new Stake President was called, which only happens once every ten years or so, and there must have been over 1000 people in attendance... maybe more. Some inspiring talks were given and it felt good to be there. I left feeling better than I felt when I arrived.

During our Sunday roast the children started parroting their favourite movie lines. As I watched the children I had a wonderful feeling of satisfaction. They are growing up feeling secure, happy, and confident. They know how to laugh and enjoy themselves. They have sharp minds. They are a delight to watch and listen to. The chicken, potatoes, and vegetables were as good as a meal can be. But they were nothing compared to the feast of gratitude I gobbled down as I watched my family – growing up in front of my eyes – enjoying one another’s company around our dinner table on an otherwise ordinary Sunday night.

Breakfast in bed

A week sometimes feels like nothing more than a brief moment. Monday’s Easter Monday public holiday may have contributed. Coming home from camping was refreshing. My mattress and four solid walls filled me with gratitude, especially after such awful wind while camping the weekend before. Tuesday I arrived at work with an empty in-basket. I spent the day working on Happy Families projects and was enlivened by it. Progress feels so good, particularly when it’s progress on something that matters so much to me.

Wednesday I got my second day in a row to focus on Happy Families. The momentum felt amazing. I cut it short during the afternoon to drive to Auburn and visit Nan and Pop Bunt. I had nearly an hour with them. It was terrific time. We laughed a lot. I heard some stories about Pop’s fertile veggie patch and his understanding of civil law that I hadn’t previously heard. And I picked up a jar of Pop’s terrific relish. Looking forward to pasting it on my corned beef sandwiches this week. After visiting with Nan and Pop I squeezed in a sealing session at the temple before sharing dinner with Kylie and the kids at a nice place to eat. By then it was late, and the children slept well all the way home.

Thursday and Friday were difficult. I am feeling increasingly anxious to maintain momentum and build Happy Families. I am feeling a corresponding frustration with my ‘job’ that is taking me away from what I feel my ‘calling’ is. So Thursday and Friday I tried to concentrate at work and spent far too long thinking about how much I have to do to generate an income with Happy Families. Part of me wishes I could be satisfied with what I have. While I’m grateful for the blessing of having the work, dissatisfaction with the content of the job is combining with the powerful drive I have for another pursuit (Happy Families).

Friday morning I was also told that the job I have, which finishes in July, will not be renewed. It seems that I am doing more work than my supervisors have the capacity to manage. So I do work and wait while they ‘get to it’, before I can progress. This is obviously inefficient and they know it. To better utilise their financial resources the position will become casual post-July. I think this is good as it means I have to be working on Happy Families mostly full time by then. However, I am partially afraid it is bad for the same reason. The pressure is building.

The Saturday morning routine continued: wash cars, mow lawns, try and restore order to the house. It's harder than normal while the children are on holidays. Kylie was in Sydney from lunch time helping a friend. I looked after the kids and the house. It’s a big job. I don’t know how Kylie does it. I was responsible for cooking dinner. My miserable attempt at devilled chicken wings was appreciated by Abbie who claimed that I shouldn’t “tell mum, but I think it’s better than hers.” I was flattered, and hopeful, but then I bit into it and cringed. My paltry attempts at cooking were embarrassing. I think Abbie was trying to make me feel good.

Sunday I made Kylie breakfast in bed. Gippsland Yogurt, some terrific muesli, a new and amazing fruit juice, and fresh fruit. Yum. Kylie took most of the kids to General Conference. I stayed home with Annie and Lilli. I watched talks online while the little ones played. Some powerful messages inspired me to be better. I hope I can live up to what I know. It was hard to listen though. Lilli is potty training and I think I was called to the potty no less than a dozen times during the conference sessions. Somehow some of the messages still got through though.

We spent the afternoon with neighbours at a small birthday party. Kylie took Chanel and the Young Women from Church to Sydney for an activity. I took the four girls and Benson to the park with the neighbours and their kids. Relaxing, quiet, enjoyable. I’d like more days like today – only with Kylie.

Not-so-happy Campers

The past several weeks have been full of adventures. On the work front there is little to report and nothing of import. I’m grateful for a job that is providing the necessities of life for our family. It’s only just enough, but the fact is, it is enough. The job feels just that though – a job. It’s filling a need, but I look forward to the day I rely on it less, or not at all. My vision of where I want to be is strengthening, and I sense unseen hands pushing me towards it... and it's not at the University.