Abbie's Baptism

This week was looking like it would be terrible, horrible, no good, and very bad. Monday through Friday we went through the motions and did what was required to survive, but it didn’t feel particularly good – at all. We have weeks like that now and then.

Kylie’s mum arrived on Wednesday and the children were delighted to have her visiting with us. Her dad arrived Friday, and the children were even more excited to have two grandparents here. But overall Kylie, the children, and I had a largely forgettable week... until...

A Meaningful Insight

Last week while doing our family scripture study I felt inspired with a scriptural insight that taught me a great deal about faith.

Our Family Home Evening Video on Kindness

For Family Home Evening this week we talked about one of our family principles - Kindness. We used this video to introduce the theme. We found it especially instructive in helping the children learn about empathy and perspective taking.

Tim's Video of Chanel and Abbie's Parties.

Chanel and Abbie's Birthdays from Tim Coulson on Vimeo.

My little brother, Tim, drove to Wollongong with Kesh, his wife, to photograph Chanel's 11th birthday party in the Rose Garden at the Wollongong Botanical Gardens.

Since Abbie was having her 8th birthday party the same afternoon at our house, they hung around a little longer and snapped a couple of extra photos.

Hope you enjoy them.

If you'd like to see it in full screen click on 'vimeo' in the bottom right of the video screen. It will link to the vimeo page. When you see the video there, click on the little symbol in the bottom right corner and you should get the full screen.

Celebrations

For the first time in ages we’ve had a fairly uneventful week. Still busy, and still containing memorable highlights, but just a little less eventful than we’re used to.

Front Page News

A very full week for our family this week...

Tuesday the local paper ran a story based on an interview they’d done with me the previous week. I had talked about research that shows that children can have a negative impact on parent’s happiness. I would have preferred that they wrote a different headline, but I was grateful for the response it brought me. I even got a call from ABC radio and had a 15 minute interview on air that morning. Over 200 people completed my questionnaire as a result of the article.

Fresh Photos Oct 10 2010

Abbie May, about to turn 8, posing for photos in her baptismal dress. Love that smile!




Abbie May - full of light, age 8 (next Monday).




Kylie and Lilli Emma (aged 6 months). Quality time.



Kylie and Lilli sharing a joke only a mother and daughter could understand.




Abbie, Ella, Lilli, and Chanel - Stuart Park, North 'Gong.



Lilli Emma, not quite six months... sitting up and enjoying a perfect Sunday afternoon.



Annie Grace, age 3, lounging around at Stuart Park, Springtime, Sunday afternoon.

Rain, Renovations, Reunions, and Running to Ruin

The past fortnight has stretched our family incredibly, and given us some wonderful moments to savour.

Just over two weeks ago, on Friday the 24th of September, I drove Abbie May to Goulburn to spend a few days with her best friend, Elissa Thayer, in Canberra. As I returned to Wollongong the car began making terrible noises. This was the first miracle we received that weekend. If it had happened the following afternoon, the car might not have survived. If it had happened then, we would have been on our way to Queensland. That would have been a problem we could not afford.

Savouring the Small Moments

Sunday 19th September 2010

Monday started slowly. I had been up until midnight reading a compelling novel, The Hunger Games, and wanted to sleep instead. An unproductive day at work ensued, and a tiresome evening with angry children (or was it just me?) who didn’t want to cooperate as I attempted to teach them piano. To make things worse, Annie refused to go to sleep until 10pm. I read while I waited for Annie to finally go to sleep, but got engrossed in the second Hunger Games book, Catching Fire. I turned the final page at 1.30am.

Going Too Fast

It has been a whirlwind three weeks in our home.

We enjoyed a visit from my parents for two nights a few weekends ago. Mum and dad arrived on Friday night. Mum taught an enrichment evening for the ladies at church. Dad and I took Abbie and Ella to watch “Southern Stars”, a spectacular show involving over 3000 school children dancing, singing, and acting. It was brilliant, particularly given the number of children, and that hardly any adults performed.

My Favourite Things

The past three weeks have been fairly ‘light on’ as far as news of any kind.

I spent the first of those three weeks in bed with a cold. No matter what I did, my health deteriorated until I lost my voice and could not do anything more than lie in bed and try to rest. During that time, Kylie managed the house and cared for our family essentially alone. I am grateful for a wife who is so willing to sacrifice for our family.

Kylie's Latest Cards - July 2010

Data, Publications, and Man Flu

In the last couple of weeks I have been struggling. We have had some financial issues in relation to our renovation, and my Ph. D. has been turning into a disaster. At one point Kylie and I discussed our various options related to our future, including moving to Gosford and working in Dad’s business, or moving back to QLD and opening a Chicken Shop. My life felt like it was falling in pieces. I had been praying, even fasting, for something positive to occur, but things felt as though they were on a perpetual downward spiral. Just days before this week began I thought to myself, “How many people have given up and turned around when success was literally one day away, or one major effort away”. I resolved to persist.

Tuesday our new plumber showed up. We put more holes into the wall to find a leak. He fixed many of the problems our previous plumber had left us with. He was amazed at the poor workmanship and actually asked us whether or not our original plumber was actually a qualified plumber. He described techniques that had been used by him that have not been allowed in Australia for 20 years or more because they don’t work. He fixed mistake after mistake. While we had to pay for all of this to be done, we felt reassured when he left. Our decision to conclude a messy relationship was vindicated, and our feelings about previous workmanship were also validated. There are still more things to fix, but we’re on the right pathway again. Phew.

Tuesday night we went to the Illawarra Performing Arts Centre to watch Ella Rose perform with her Kindergarten class in an adaptation of the Three Little Pigs. Ella was the star of the performance, playing the role of the wolf! The pigs were trying to create a band and the wolf wanted to be the singer. Every time she howled another house would fall down (made of straw or sticks). Her howling was impressive! Ella was a star. So confident too, performing in front of at least 100 people.

Wednesday I analysed my data. After the worst possible outcome two weeks ago with only 160 participants, I had worked hard to collect more. After obtaining another 170 participant responses I ended up with just over 330. My analysis yielded some exciting results. I felt so blessed! After months of stress and anxiety all my fears melted. The data will almost certainly be publishable, and there is now a very clear direction for me to move forward with my Ph. D. As long as my next study works out I could very well be in line to finish towards the end of the year or early next year. Amazing.

Since I analysed my data I have been on a huge high. I have not been able to sleep at night, and instead lay in bed thinking about my project, the things I need to write, and so on. I’ve completed one of the six books I’m presently reading, “Driven” – an autobiography of a successful Utah businessman. I enjoyed the book and appreciated several of the lessons he shared from his life. I’d give it 3 out of 5.

Friday was a day for celebration too. We received our tax returns. This enabled us to finalise all of our debt related to the renovation. Relief! I do not like being in debt. We also re-balanced our budget and have set our focus firmly on saving to complete the renovation, renovate our home in Brisbane, and buy me a new bike or two! (Ok, so I probably won’t get the bikes, but just thinking about it will motivate me to save more).

Saturday morning was like a perfect spring day. Warm, sunny, and too good to stay inside. Kylie took Ella to her first ever dance class. Ella was in rapture. She danced, pirouetted, and smiled the whole time. Meanwhile I took Chanel, Abbie, and Annie with me for a bike riding lesson at the park. After several deeply challenging experiences and a couple of painful crashes, Abbie finally rode her bike! It was probably due more to my persistence than hers. I simply was not going to let her leave without riding, and I knew she was capable. She came home feeling a little sore but very pleased with herself. Annie learned to keep her feet on the pedals, and to push them a little too. Slow progress. After riding, we played in the park for half an hour or so. They had such a fun time.

At lunch time Kylie and I left with Annie and Lilli to attend the wedding of a fellow Ph. D. Student. He kindly invited us and it was a treat to be able to be there for his special day. Meanwhile, the three big girls caught a bus with all the kids and teachers from church. They went to Campbelltown for a church-run kids disco. By the night time, everyone was completely pooped!

On Sunday morning there were some surprises for our family at church. I was interviewed and released as Young Men’s President. This was sad in some ways. Being involved with the youth is a terrific service opportunity, and I have enjoyed the time I’ve spent with the youth over the years. However, after years and years of being out a couple of nights each week every week, it’s nice to let it go. The best bit is my new calling. I’m the “Chapel Cleaning Coordinator”. No more meetings for a while for me! I make some phone calls and ensure that folks are cleaning the chapel each week. That’s it. I feel, honestly, like this is a heavenly blessing. This is giving me an opportunity to be at home with my family more, to focus on completing my Ph. D., and to support Kylie more in her various endeavours and responsibilities. So I’m actually delighted, and deeply grateful, for this unexpected but welcome change in circumstances.

Kylie has been wearing a support on her wrist for a little over a month now. She has developed some kind of repetitive strain injury related to holding the baby. We are concerned about her wrist, because it does not seem to be improving at all. An appointment with the specialist in the last few days has borne more bad news. He is referring us to a surgeon, believing that an operation is the best way to remedy the issue. I fail to see how cutting Kylie’s wrist open is going to make things better. We are praying for improvement so that Kylie does not have to go through something like that.

Annie has given us a couple of quality laughs this week too. At one point as Kylie tried to help her (she turns 3 at the end of this month), Annie exclaimed “I’m not a baby anymore mum.” She was so exasperated! Then a few days later as Kylie drove somewhere to drop Annie off for a play date, Annie got annoyed at the traffic. Kylie pulled up at a set of traffic lights. She was the second car, behind a red car. Annie yelled at the top of her voice, “Move away red car! Just move!”

Lastly, I received official notification that my article will be published. All changes have been accepted, and the article will be in press shortly. I’m delighted with how things have fallen into place this week. It has been a long road, but I can see a positive outcome on the horizon now.

It’s 3am Monday morning as I conclude this. The wind is howling, it’s freezing cold, and I seem to be doing a poor job of fighting off a case of “man-flu”. Sleep has fled. I’ve been awake for several hours. In spite of that, my reflection on this past week leaves me feeling blessed beyond deserving, and grateful for so many good things in my life.

Back into Routine

(Abbie May, age 7, wet, cold, and happy! At Kesh's 23rd Birthday Party, Booker Bay. July 2010).

Monday presented our first significant challenge of the week. After my decision to “fire” our plumber in the days prior, he showed up at our home. He had not heard my message, left on his phone in fury after we discovered our shower leaking behind our new walls, into our floor and onto our lower level ceiling. Kylie subsequently spoke with him at length and “re-employed” him to complete our work. He agreed to come back 8 days later to finalise things. When I found out that Kylie had done this I was angry. But Kylie did not like leaving things the way they were and I accepted that. I called him to explain that our family needed a bathroom that worked much sooner than the eight days he wanted us to wait. He asked me to call him back. Two hours later I did so. He and I engaged in a lengthy conversation which ended with me inviting him to decide if he wished to work for us anymore or not. He chose not to return. This saga ended with Kylie and I feeling drained. I actually felt “dirty”. The conversation was an unhappy one. I do not like it when relationships end so badly.

We had many misunderstandings over the work he was to do and the money he was to be paid. The misunderstandings went both ways, but he consistently chose not to communicate with us. My communications and expectations offended him. I was left with a quote in my mind from Irving Becker. A good friend, WG, loves to share this quote about the difficulty of being human: “If you don’t like someone, the way he holds his spoon will make you furious. If you do like him, he can turn his plate over in your lap and you won’t mind.” Our plumber seems to have been holding his spoon the wrong way, and he seems not to have liked the way we held our spoons either.

Tuesday saw us arise gloomy. We barely slept because of the conflict of the previous night. However, our new plumber visited. He confirmed to us that our fears concerning our old plumber were justified. This was disappointing, but also gave us hope that we could move forward and finalise this difficult renovation. That day I went to work and commenced data collection at a local swimming pool where parents sit with nothing to do while their children swim. In one week I’ve collected data from nearly 150 parents. This is a worthwhile use of my time – if only my data will work out!

Tuesday morning was also the resumption of school for the children. Kylie and I have worked hard to create a new routine and schedule. We implemented it with precision all week and are delighted with how well it is working. The children are out the door every morning by 8.30am. We’ve had scripture study as a family, the children have practiced the piano, we’ve all eaten, and the house is relatively tidy. In the evenings we’ve eaten by 6.30 and the children are in bed by 7.30. It feels great. (If I hadn’t stayed up to watch the Tour de France it would feel even better!)

On Tuesday Kylie received some sad news from her mum. Kylie’s grandfather (in NZ) is particularly unwell. Kylie asked the children to write him a letter. They’ve never met him and were a little bit apprehensive. Their letters were finally written and were heartfelt letters of love, hope, and kindness. After Abbie had written her letter, Kylie found her crying. Abbie explained that she was sad her grandfather was not well, and just wanted to meet him and hug him and tell him that she loved him. We are so deeply grateful for Abbie’s tenderness.

We have adored watching our Lilli Emma grow. Already it seems that she is no longer a little baby. At 3.5 months of age she is big and healthy and happy. There is no other feeling like staring into the face and eyes of such an amazing, perfect little child. Her smile lifts my soul. We are awaiting news on some tests that Lilli is to have. There are some concerns over her development with her vision and sight. We are hopeful that she will be given an “all clear” from the specialists.


(Chanel Lauren, age 10. Wet, cold, and loving it! Kesh's 23rd Birthday Bash at Booker Bay. July 2010).

Annie Grace seems to be finally readjusting to life in our home. After several challenging months we are seeing her return to her previously delightful self. Perhaps it has something to do with our improved routine, the lack of building work going on, and the fact that our home is less “broken” than it has been lately. Annie loves to talk on the phone. When it rings, be prepared to spend time talking to Annie – or should I say, listening to Annie. When Annie holds the phone, she doesn’t place it anywhere near her ear. She puts it in front of her mouth and talks… and talks, and talks! No matter what you say to her, she will not hear. She simply talks. It’s so funny, and she gets so excited. I love hearing her talk to me. Her little voice prattles on, and cracks as she gets excited! She gasps for air in between long sentences. Her enthusiasm and love of life is elevating.

Saturday morning I did something a little crazy. After trying to have a good night’s sleep, I arose a little after 4am, dressed in my bike clothes, and braved the cold and rain as I rode north to Gosford. The trip is approximately 172kms. On my previous attempt I made it to Berowra. I was determined to do better on this trip. I paced myself, ate well, and managed the ride in 6 hours and one minute precisely. My avg speed was 28.6km/h. By the time I was at my final 30kms I was starting to question my sanity, but as I rode the final climb I felt almost euphoric. I had done it!

The family arrived in Gosford around an hour after I did, and we had a delightful time with the entire family as we celebrated Kesh’s birthday. Between Tim and Kesh’s siblings there were about 20 children under the age of 12 there! With all the adults thrown in as well, there was quite a crowd. Kylie and I were enjoying time together, and chatted with everyone before we noticed that there were no children to be seen. Tim and Kesh had walked them down to the beach, about 500 metres away from their unit. I wandered off, wanting to ensure that everything was fine. It was a beautiful day, but despite the sunshine it’s the middle of winter. The air was cold. When I got to the beach I found Tim, Kesh, and 20 children, all as happy as can be. But the children were shivering – and dripping wet! They’d ended up swimming in their clothes!


(Ella Rose, doing what her big sisters did! Age 6)

I was annoyed, but had to laugh about it for two reasons. First, the kids were simply thrilled they’d been swimming, despite the freezing cold water and the chilly day. Second, Tim and Kesh have no children so they thought letting the kids play in the water was fun. But I knew that if I was a little annoyed, there would be some very upset parents back at the house. Sure enough… Tim and Kesh copped it from those who had long drives ahead of them. No one had spare clothes, and no one wanted wet, sandy children in their cars. In spite of it all, the children had fun, and Tim and Kesh did their best. I think I must be calming down as I get older, because within just a few moments I could see the funny side of it all. Plus, while the kids were cold, they were happy.

We stayed overnight Saturday at mum and dad’s place and went to church in Gosford. Church was uplifting. It’s been some time since I’ve really been able to say that with conviction. Often it’s a drain. The children, the responsibilities, and the lack of inspiring material leave me feeling worn out more than uplifted on many a week. But this Sunday was different. Talks were meaningful and well-prepared. Even though they were not particularly relevant to me, I enjoyed them. And the music was uplifting. As we sang ‘Secret Prayer’ to close the meeting, the chorus was sung loudly, with purpose. It filled me.



I had an inspiring catch-up with Mat Steinwede. I appreciated his effort in spending time with me and sharing ideas about projects I’d almost given up on. And we had a traditional Sunday roast with mum. The kids played with their cousins all afternoon too. Our girls love their cousins, and they play surprisingly well.
We left the Central Coast tired, but feeling great. We have a plan and it’s working. Our children are healthy and happy. We feel blessed.

Making Tough Calls

Sunday July 18th, 2010

The past fortnight has been littered with highs and lows. I have felt myself stretched in so many different ways. I wish that I had responded to all of the challenges perfectly. Alas, I am susceptible to make mistakes similar to most mortals, and I have demonstrated my humanity for better or worse on each occasion.

Our washing machine failed us (again) after several years of service. We purchased a new and expensive European branded machine. We like our machine, but in hindsight we rushed our purchase and its purchase has led to unforseen challenges in other areas. In spite of this, we have survived for now. We also made an arguable poor decision in finalising our tapware purchases for the children’s bathroom. Taps are expensive! We chose to spend money on taps that were not in our budget. We have learned some valuable budgeting lessons.

Kylie took the children away to QLD for ten days to commence the school holidays. They had a wonderful time with family and friends. Chanel and Ella had time with the Holzworths, while Kylie and the other children were kept busy with relatives and other friends. They had a wonderful time.

While the family were in QLD I turned my attention to data that required analysing. The data don’t work. This is devastating for me. In my despair I attempted to contact my supervisor for guidance. He was not available, nor has he been for over six months. I emailed him and shared my feelings about his lack of involvement in my work. My email was direct and clear – his supervision in the past 6-12 months has been inadequate. His response surprised me. We met the following day and he apologised, recommitting to my project. It was hard to send that email, but I sense that it was certainly the right thing to do.

I received some positive news in relation to my PhD. I have had a theoretical paper accepted for publication. I will be published in the Journal of Humanistic Psychology. My paper describes the findings from an investigation into “Calling” in the Childrearing role. This is a major success for me. Peer reviewed publications have been a challenge for me and it feels terrific to see this working out.

I flew into Brisbane on Sunday night, met Kylie and the family at the airport, and drove south. We drove through the night, arriving at Coffs Harbour around 2am. The children were asleep soon after we began our drive, and Kylie and I had the opportunity to talk. We spoke the whole way, perhaps for more time (uninterrupted) than we’ve spoken in half-a-dozen years. Our time apart had given us both the opportunity to consider our progress in various aspects of our lives. We recommitted to improvement, and set specific plans to achieve more of what our family will benefit most from.

After not enough sleep in Coffs Harbour we drove to Gosford to visit my family. Mum put on an impromptu roast dinner and invited the entire family. We had expected to pop in and out quickly! It was really nice to have everyone show up to see us though. We appreciate our family and the effort they are willing to go to in order to spend time with us. After delicious food we drove through to Wollongong. It was nice to have my family home again. I missed them while they were away.

During the past week we have tried hard to complete the renovation. Our tiler has all but finished his work now and our wet areas should be complete. However, our plumber has not completed his work. In spite of this, he expected to be paid. My suggestion that he complete his work before being paid led to an unwelcome conflict. He left – empty-handed – and has refused to answer our calls since. This morning we discovered yet another leak. The leak has already caused us problems. He had “fixed it” previously. The leak is in our new walls. To fix it requires us to knock holes in our walls. It leaks down through our new ceilings. I called him. He did not answer. I left him a message. He is not welcome in our home again, and he will not be paid. This was a difficult and uncomfortable thing to do. I prefer relationships to remain pleasant. However, a new plumber will have to be employed to fix his many mistakes. We will also require other tradespeople to repair the damage that will be caused to our home as we attempt to right his many wrongs. We anticipate that the costs required to repair his mess will far outweigh what we owed him. However we will not pursue him. We would rather move ahead than dwell on past pains. Lesson learned – if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. He made many mistakes early on and we could have fired him then. We should have.

So after several ups and downs, and some tough decisions, we find ourselves enjoying a wonderful afternoon in our partly renovated, leaky house. We ate pancakes for lunch. We had a family home evening and spent time with the children talking about our plans for the future. They are excited and seem anxious to make things work well in our family. Annie and Lilli are sleeping. Kylie and the children are making home-made cards for friends. I am reflecting on the past few weeks and am thinking that, despite the many issues we face, life is remarkably good. We look forward to the future with optimism and hope, confident that we can make great changes that will improve life even more.

Relaxed

Sunday June 27th, 2010

It’s been a full two months since I last wrote. As much as we’ve been immensely busy, I’ll try to keep the update to a reasonable length and focus only on main points.

Firstly, the renovation. In the past 10 weeks we have removed a staircase, two kitchens, three bathrooms, multiple windows, brick walls, and interior walls. We’ve converted a bedroom into a bathroom and a bathroom into a bedroom. We’ve removed a laundry and created a new one, put in a new doorway (or two), removed a front doorway, built a new kitchen and bathroom, and who knows what else! In total we’ve spent tens and tens of thousands of dollars. We’ve had ups and downs, tradesmen who can’t do things right, tradesmen who don’t show up when they should, and more costly decisions to make than anyone would typically make in a year – perhaps even a decade.

We’ve been forced to move out of our home for a little over a week because of a lack of water, electricity, and other facilities. We’ve stressed, sweated, and even bled (I cut my finger and got a few splinters) through this renovation. For all of the effort though, things are finally almost at a point that we can resume a sense of normality. Our kitchen was completed last week, as well as our laundry. Our en-suite was completed a couple of weeks ago. And if our tradespeople show up we should finally complete our other bathroom by the end of this week. From this point we only have cosmetic changes to make. We’ll commence them once we save some more money.

Despite the relative incompletion, we’re far enough along now to be thrilled with what we’ve done and also to be able to really enjoy living in what has become an entirely new home!

It would be ungrateful of me if I failed to mention the amazing help we’ve had throughout the renovation. So many members of the church have cooked meals for us and helped out in other ways. We’ve been given a home to live in for a week when friends went away. This meant we could get out of our unliveable house while friends holidayed. It was wonderful. In my last update I mentioned the help Kylie’s family had given, particularly her sister and mum. My folks have also been wonderfully helpful. And a family friend, an electrician, has donated countless days and expertise at no charge to completely rewire our home. I’m sure there are more people who have been involved in blessing us. We have been looked after so well, it’s humbling.

In terms of family, our precious Lilli Emma is growing perfectly. She is happy, healthy, and a big fatty! She loves sleeping and feeding. She does everything a 10 week-old baby should do and is a dream to look after. Her night time sleeps range from six to nine hours and we have not been sleep deprived at all due to Lilli. She is really laughing a lot now and making huge amounts of eye contact. Her smile delights us, and we hang on every moment we get to spend watching her in the hope she’ll give us another one.

Annie has struggled significantly through the past few months. The changes have been enormous for our precious two year-old. As the renovation progressed Annie became distressed that her house was “broken”. She wanted the stairs back, and the walls, and doors, and bathrooms and so on. It has taken until this week for her to finally seem satisfied that the house is being put back together nicely. For our angel Annie, the renovation has been coupled with a new little sister. This has caused some difficulty for Annie too as she’s come to understand that she’s no longer the baby in the family. We’ve seen her throwing a lot of tantrums. We’ve dealt with her becoming quite free with her fists and feet too, kicking and punching her sisters and even Kylie and I. Again, this is slowing down as she comes to terms with the huge changes, so we’re patient with her, knowing that she’ll work through things soon enough. Annie is still delightfully cute and keeps us staring in wonder at the amazing little girl she is.

The changes at home have had minimal effect on the three older girls. Ella is progressing remarkably well in her first year of school. She grasps all of the required concepts well, is reading far more proficiently than we had expected, and seems to be thriving. In fact, Ella has gone from being unable to recognise any words to participating in scripture study quite competently in just two months. She loves to shout out all the words she recognises as we drive, and when she doesn’t recognise a word Ella reads the letters and asks what they all spell! As has always been the case Ella is not doing so well socially, but again she’s above our expectations and seems to be doing reasonably well. She certainly could do a lot worse.

Abbie has been her usual quiet seven year-old self. While there is little to report regarding Abbie, she has continued to do well at piano and school.
Chanel, as the eldest, always seems to have lots of things going on. Her school experience seems constantly positive. Her piano progress has been amazing, and her passion for it is gratifying. I love the fact that Chanel cannot walk past the piano without playing a few bars of whatever song she is learning. It drives me crazy because of the constant noise and because she’s stalling on what she should otherwise be doing. But she just wants to play – all the time! Chanel loves it and is doing well.

Last Saturday night we had our Illawarra Cycle Club presentation night. We were concerned about taking the family because of our previous experience with functions. All too often people have carried on with behaviour we’ve felt was inappropriate and we’ve taken our children and left. We decided to give this one a go, and it was a real treat! It was a wonderful night. Chanel came home with four huge trophies! Motivation for cycling has been ebbing recently, partly because of the cold, and partly because riding a bike is actually pretty hard work. Now, with a fresh reminder of success Chanel is extremely motivated and itching to ride whenever she can!

Kylie is doing a remarkable job at holding our family together through the chaos. She looks after Lilli as well as the rest of us, maintains our home, and has still managed to cook meals even when we didn’t have a kitchen. I am amazed at the way she is able to keep us functioning in spite of our circumstances. Kylie has been itching to have some time to enjoy things herself too and it has been great to be able to watch her have a bike ride in the past week as well as attending a few functions and parties with friends.

For me, I’m making steady progress on my PhD. My teaching commitments are concluded, as is the marking I’ve done. I really hate marking. It’s the most painful thing I have to do. In the next couple of weeks I’ll be attempting to determine the degree of reliability a survey I’ve developed possesses. My entire PhD really hinges on getting this right. So it is an understatement to say that I’m a little nervous about what the next couple of weeks might bring. I start collecting data on Tuesday.
And that’s really about all. It’s been a huge couple of months. But today, with most of the work completed, I’m feeling relaxed. We feel blessed.

Oh, nearly forgot to mention... on occasion Kylie and I have shared a kiss together. Sometimes it has been in the car, or the kitchen. When we kiss, if there is a little pair of eyes looking at us we inevitably hear a sing-song chorus of little girls singing “Kissy, kissy, kissy! Kissy, kissy, kissy!” over and over again. We love each so much, and we love to be affectionate. We aren’t exhibitionists, but we love that our children can see our love for one another. And we love that they think it’s wonderful! I’m sure the response will be different in a few more years...

Wonderful to me

This week has really been a blur. A little bit of schoolwork and teaching has been mixed in with a whole lot of renovating and trying to be useful around the house. My usefulness around the house has been pretty minimal though, with Kylie’s mum saving the day for us. We could simply not have gotten through the week without her. The amount of cleaning, washing, ironing, and helping get the children organised that she has done is amazing. She leaves our home tonight for Brisbane again, and I can’t help but think that she may well sleep for a week before she recovers from what has been a really challenging week!

Aside from the wonderful feeling of bringing Kylie and Lilli home from the hospital on Monday, there’s really very little of any importance to share from the weekdays. They simply raced by. However, Saturday and Sunday were particularly meaningful in my life.


Ella, age 6.

The Sweetest Thing

This week I've got a brief travelogue followed by some of our realy joys...

Easter Monday was a big day for Abbie May. We went on a daddy-daughter date and Abbie rode her bike several kilometres! We left one training wheel on the bike, but I sense that Abbie will be riding without it in the coming weeks. We met the family on the Wollongong harbour and delighted in an incredible morning. After lunch I began demolishing walls in the house.

Changing the Way Things Work

In recent weeks I’ve become increasingly negative, and even frustrated. I’ve blamed it on any number of things – including overwork, tiredness, too many children, a pregnant wife – but never myself. Over the weekend last week I was honest with myself and acknowledged that perhaps my growing dissatisfaction is related to my inability to get things done with my PhD. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to do it. I’ve just gotten bored with it. My procrastination efforts have been refined and improved, while my study habits have become diminished and broken. The flow-on effect into the rest of my life has been readily apparent to family, friends, and my Internet Service Provider (which measures that my Internet usage – read procrastination – has increased significantly).

It’s amazing what a fresh view of things will do.

In the Blink of an Eye

After realising that I was in over my head the changes I’ve made are feeling very good. Dropping out of unnecessary classes has made the biggest difference. Now my only focus in my PhD and regular teaching commitments and I’m feeling much more in control of things at school. My week was not particularly productive but I think that may have been a result of being a little burnt out. I anticipate that this coming week will be exceptionally productive.

We’ve received more quotes for our home renovation. It appears that we have exactly half the money needed to make all the hoped for changes. The full cost of the renovation will be somewhere in the order of $80-$90 000 and we’re about halfway to that amount. So we’re looking for ways to change our plans, buy materials cheap, do some work ourselves, and otherwise save a whole lot of money. Once the home is complete, we’ll sell, maximise our profit, and hopefully find another home in which we can do it all again!

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday passed in a blur this week. Nothing out of the ordinary occurred, with me at uni being sadly unproductive, the children going to school, and Kylie doing her things at home.

Wednesday afternoon I flew to the Gold Coast for a conference in commercialisation of research. The idea was that PhD students were being recruited for the commercial potential of their research. We were given a two day conference aimed at teaching us how we might commercialise what we do, but also “who” we might use to aid in the process. Obviously the organisation who paid our expenses was hoping that they might gain our attention. I sense that there are both advantages and disadvantages to their proposals, but will spend some time exploring options in the coming months.

Thursday I spent the day in conference. The food was enjoyable, the content of the presentations was dull but relevant enough to me to keep my attention (barely). Unfortunately both Wednesday and Thursday nights I was unable to sleep in the hotel and by Friday morning I had a migraine so bad that I couldn’t even hold food. It seemed to rack my entire body. I attempted to attend the conference but could barely sit up the pain was so great. I checked back into my room for another couple of hours, prayed that sleep would come, and then I rested. Slumber arrived and around fifty minutes later housekeeping woke me. It was enough. I got through the remainder of the day and slowly regained my strength.

Arriving home on Friday at 10pm I caught up on family news. Abbie is excelling with her piano lessons, and progressing quickly. Ella seemed to have a 48-hour growth spurt and appeared at least two inches taller than she was when I left! And Chanel had a stellar night at the velodrome, winning a $10 cash prize for her racing, and also a pair of clear sunglasses for riding at night! She was delighted.

Saturday was a day full of happy moments. I chose not to ride, preferring to rest and spend time with the family after my time away. Kylie and I slept in a little and cuddled with each of the children as they staggered into our room to greet me after my trip. We wrestled, giggled, cuddled some more, and felt joy together. We played in the pool for a couple of hours, and also scrubbed the bottom of it. I discovered I can stay on the bottom of the pool much longer when Kylie stands on my back! So I made my way around the pool with Kylie holding me down until I couldn’t stand it any longer.

We came inside, showered, and raced off to Sydney, leaving the children with a babysitter. With two hours to get into the city, we were confident we could make it. However, traffic slowed us to around 1km every 10 minutes and it looked as though we’d be late. Prayers were offered. Traffic thinned. And miraculously we found a parking space only two blocks from the Capitol Theatre, right in the heart of the city. What’s more, it was on the street and not in a parking station, so the price was only a touch under $7 for over 3 hours! Unheard of in the centre of town where we would expect to pay closer to $25.

Kylie hobbled beside me as we raced to the theatre. We arrived as the doors were closing – literally! We were ushered to our seats, the lights dimmed, and WICKED began. Wicked is the “previously untold” story of the Wicked Witch of the East and the Wicked With of the West, two witches killed in the Wizard of Oz. The tale was intriguing, the set was spectacular, the music was magnificent, and the plot was powerful. For three hours we were immersed in the play, completely enthralled with a superbly crafted story. I give the play an “A” and recommend it highly. I can’t guarantee that everyone will like it, but I can say that Kylie and I thought it was well worth it, and we’d go and see it again tomorrow if we could (and we’d take the children to see it too).

We concluded our twelfth wedding anniversary by eating Thai food as we put the children to bed. Our twelve years is more than one-third of our lives! We’ve been married 12 years, yet it feels such a short while. We enjoyed reflecting on the various parts of our wedding day. As we tickled the children in bed we reminisced that 12 years earlier we were driving to the temple at that time of the morning. As we drove to Sydney we commented that 12 years earlier we were eating lunch in the Holiday Inn Crowne Plaza at Terrigal. I rang my two best men, Steven Travis and Brenden Wood, to remind them that on that day 12 years ago they’d been part of history – the history of Kylie and Justin. We feel so blessed to have such a wonderful marriage and family. And 12 years really has gone in the blink of an eye. It barely feels like three or four years!

Today we arose having had two wonderful nights of sleep. I felt good. We were at church early and were fortunate to hear three well-prepared talks about having moral courage – the courage to stand for what is right, even when we’re in a minority. It was a powerful meeting, even if Annie couldn’t manage the final twenty minutes and had to be taken for a walk. I taught the Young Men about prayer. It feels so great to talk about something that has made such a difference in my life. This afternoon we sweltered in the remnants of summer, stalking their way through our early autumn, and played with the children. Now we’re prepared for a brand new week, and counting down the final 28 days until our baby joins our family! We have so much to be grateful for.

Depletion

The past four weeks have left me time-poor and exhausted. My days have vanished breathlessly fast and I have found myself consistently pushed for time at every turn. Priorities are pounding on the creaky door of my capabilities faster and harder than I have time to process them. The never-ending rush of commitments, appointments, tasks, and family duties is leaving me depleted to an extent that I am not sure I’ve experienced before.

The last time I wrote I had just experienced a positive time in Melbourne. Since then progress at uni has been slow but sure. My ethics application is awaiting approval so that I can commence my next study. This should begin in the coming week or two. I am working on some more writing which I hope to finalise in draft form later this week. I received a surprise phone call some weeks ago regarding my work. The university offers a “commercialisation” programme for students whose research offers opportunities for entrepreneurial ideas. I had applied in 2009 and was shortlisted. As it turned out there was no space for me last year, but this year I was accepted to the programme. It means that I’m flying to the Gold Coast for a two day (all expenses paid) conference at the end of this week! I was also offered a scholarship to complete four courses associated with the programme. I took it on, but after just two weeks realised that it would simply not be possible for me to maintain such a workload. Trying to study law and finance at the same time as I complete my PhD, tutor 200 students, administer a subject, have a fifth baby, and renovate a home is simply foolish. So we waved goodbye to the money but regained a semblance of balance for a brief moment.

In the past four weeks our plans have been in at council awaiting approval. We’ve just received it and are allowed to commence work at our home. Now we’re just awaiting quotes from tradespeople and praying that we’ll be able to afford all the work that we have planned to do! We are excited to begin and hope to see some walls knocked down in the coming fortnight.

Kylie is now only 34 days away from the expected delivery date (April 18th). We are excited but very nervous. Fatigue and discomfort are our enemies and Kylie’s ability to do what our family requires of her is greatly diminished. As a result I am trying to do more but with less time and capacity than I would like due to my increased load at uni. It’s a challenging time. With the busy-ness we are feeling increasingly depleted, and it’s starting to rub off in family life. The children seem to be sensing that we are tired and try to get out of responsibilities. Their attitude and lack of contribution only add to the workload we carry. When Kylie has the baby I will take a couple of weeks off work and be around a great deal more. We are looking forward to the extra focus we’ll have at home during this period and anticipate greater order.

We have been trying to have a weekly date. Our success has been haphazard at best. But we continue to try. We love being together, perhaps more than anything else. Kylie is my favourite person to be with. Last week we ate Chickos for lunch in the park. I love Chickos. But the week before was amazing – prawn and mushroom fettucine. Yum! No date this week because I’m off to the Gold Coast, but I’m sure next week will work out fine.

Last Saturday I rode in a 12 hour endurance race. I was in a mixed team of four riders. It was held at Penrith and was a great day out, although I felt more than a little guilty for leaving my family behind. I was pleased when our team won the NSW championship Gold Medal for riding further than any other mixed team on the day – a distance of around 430kms in the allotted time.

A brief review of what the children are up to, and then I’m off to bed.

Chanel is thriving in all aspects. She loves her school, has many friends, and is doing well with her swimming and cycling. We would dearly love to introduce her to the piano. Her interest is high. But student budgets will only go so far. She certainly produces significantly challenging “attitude” at times, but for the most part Chanel is an amazing little contributor in our home. She works with Kylie or I every day at the cleaning contact we’ve taken on to help keep things going. (Centrelink have made two years worth of errors in our payments and over-payed us approximately $200 p/w. We’ve now lost that money and use the contract work to make up for what we no longer receive). This is helping her save her money very well. She’s growing into an articulate girl.

Abbie is improving all the time with her swimming and recently went up one more class level. She is developing beautifully with her piano work and loves tinkling the keys. Her teacher is pleased with her progress. Abbie is our little angel in so many ways. She has a stubborn streak though, and can be particularly difficult, if not impossible, to get moving in the mornings. She simply drifts off into her fairyland and forgets that we have a household to run!

Ella… I was reading over some past entries I’ve made with reference to Ella and it’s amazing how nothing really changes. This is the cutest little 6 year-old girl with the wickedest sense of humour. She genuinely charms and delights everyone around her with her unique take on things and her disarming character. Yet she has such boundless energy and such a free spirit that we can hardly keep tabs on her. She’s constantly sneaking out of the house to visit friends in the neighbourhood. She refuses to walk to school with her sisters, preferring to be independent (after all, she’s been in kindergarten for 6 weeks now!) Ella hates going to sleep and demands attention for long periods each night. Yet we look at her and smile with satisfaction and love as we consider her special soft heart, her desire to make good choices, and the fact that she is genuinely guileless. Ella is such a special child to us.

Annie seems to have declared war on Kylie and I. As with most children at around 30 months, Annie must have what Annie wants. That means three things – hard work for us, lots of flexibility, and seemingly endless screaming. We are doing what we can for her, but our angelic Annie has been doing all she can to assert herself as no longer being a baby. Yet Annie is beautifully affectionate, loves cuddles, must say EVERY prayer, and still delights us daily – even hourly.

We sweat and strain and stress over our children. We agonise over our choices. We know we make mistakes, and we know we get things right as well. We wonder, like most parents, if we really make a difference. We chastise and correct, we reprimand and rejoice. We read, clean, pick up, iron, wash, pick up, help, drive them, spend money on them, pick up, and so much more. We tire ourselves out in their service. We wish we could take back so many moments where our choices were not what we would have liked them to be. But regardless, we keep trying, and we will keep on trying – because we love them. We take such joy in seeing them grow. They matter most.

Tonight we taught a class to around ten young single adults, and older singles as well. We taught about standards, dating, and the law of chastity. We used Listerine and fruit juice to demonstrate that things should be done in the right order. The fruit juice first tasted sweet, and fresh on the palate. The Listerine followed and everything worked fine. But when we had a volunteer have the Listerine first, then the fruit juice the experience was less pleasant. It was an effective object lesson. We love teaching Gospel principles, and the people in the class seemed to appreciate our efforts and hopefully left feeling enriched.

My five minute update has gone on much longer than I anticipated, and I have completely overdone it. Must rest. So tired.

Positive Psychology Conference Blessings

Sunday 14th February, 2010

I am savouring a week of blessings and joy, as exhaustion slowly absorbs me. The past seven days have been nothing short of exceptional.

Monday was a relatively ordinary day, beginning with a 90km ride in the rain. I spent the day at uni preparing a presentation due to be presented on Friday. Our Family Home Evening on Monday night was simple, short, and not memorable.

Tuesday I rode a hard 50km before uni. Final presentation preparations were made. A long lunch was attended celebrating a fellow PhD students’ completion of her thesis. It was costly, too long, but enjoyable. The afternoon was spent playing mechanic with my bike after all the riding in the rain. Then I raced home to race out to Young Mens. The boys had their first learn-to-surf lesson with me as teacher. To say they were a spectacular failure would not put too fine a point on it. But I always maintain that anyone who is, today, good at something, was once poor at it. My encouragement may have fallen on deaf ears though. None of our young men share my love of the ocean. The evening was one of the most beautiful nights I can recall. I wished that Kylie and the children were there. Warm water, perfect sky, stunning sunset.

Wednesday I rode with my friends until lunch time (around 80kms) before returning to work. After a few hours I decided enough was enough. My presentation could be refined no more without me going batty! So I worked briefly on my next project, and then called it quits. We picked the children up from school and went to the beach. Chanel, Ella, and Abbie caught waves on their boogie boards for two hours. The delight they experienced catching waves and the delight Kylie and I felt as we watched them were beyond words. We ate Chickos for dinner, despite the negative impact it has on our budget. We were too tired out from too much fun at the beach.

Thursday morning I rode 60kms and arrived home in time to take the children to school. The architect came and reviewed the renovation plans with us. We are excited to start changing things! Our plans go to council in the coming fortnight. I packed my bags, ate lunch, and Kylie and Annie drove me to the airport for my flight to Melbourne. Because my little sister Rachel lives in Melbourne, we met and ate Mexican for dinner – too much Mexican! I don’t remember being so full, ever!

Friday morning I went for a short 45km ride before attending day one of the 2nd Australian Positive Psychology and Wellbeing Conference. While I gleaned a few gems, I was generally disappointed with the first day. It lacked scientific rigour, was too focussed on “happy-ology” and failed to satisfy. In spite of this, there were three specific highlights that made the trip to Melbourne completely worthwhile!

First, following the morning’s proceedings I came across Professor Christopher Petersen. The man is arguably the second biggest name in the positive psychology area. Put simply, he is top dog, or close to it. I introduced myself and politely indicated that I have a deep concern with the focus positive psychology puts on the individual, the workplace, the classroom, and the fact that after over a decade there is still no significant research being done with respect to “families” and what makes for optimal outcomes. He was thoughtful, before agreeing with me and describing some beginnings that he is aware of. I told him of my research and said I would be presenting later that day. He volunteered to attend, and confirmed his genuine interest! And he showed up as promised. I was grateful I was prepared well! The second highlight of day one, for me, was that my presentation was a success and well received. It also reminded me that an academic career is not going to light me up the way a career built on teaching and sharing with others will.

The third highlight of the day was at dinner. A friend from uni (who is also doing a PhD), his friend (an English PhD student), and I sat down to eat and were approached by an older lady, probably in her early 60’s. She asked if she could join us and we happily said yes, not knowing who she was. As she sat down she asked how we felt about the conference. I was upfront. As I completed my negative judgement of the day I saw her nametag. Professor Felicia Huppert is a Cambridge University Professor of Psychology who has done just about everything! And here I am spruiking my critical opinion… to my relief she agreed entirely. She then spent an entire TWO HOURS talking with the three of us in one of the most wonderful, stimulating conversations I have ever had! We talked about research and ideas, issues and concerns. It was riveting. What amazed me in both of the big experiences of the day was the willingness of “big” people to divest themselves of ego and engage and connect with young, inexperienced, and relatively uneducated people like me. Their humility and generosity made my day.

Saturday morning I had one of the hardest rides I can remember. I rode about 80km from Melbourne to Frankston and back with about 150 other riders. I think our average speed was close to 45km/h. The entire ride was done in around 2 hours. I had an additional 20km to do in order to get to Rachel’s apartment and clean up for the conference, so it was another big day on the bike.

Sadly, again, the conference itself disappointed, although it was a definite improvement on day one! Chris Petersen talked with me for around 30 minutes, discussing his thoughts on my project and presentation. It was a privilege to receive that kind of attention from one of the world’s leading minds in my area. We covered some terrific material. I arrived at the airport, courtesy of Rachel again, exhausted and eager to be with my family. Kylie met me at 9pm back in Sydney and we drove through the heat and rain to Wollongong. Clean sheets are a delight and I slept heavily.

While I was in Melbourne Ella completed her second week of school. We are seeing her flourish there. Her development is unmistakable, and her teacher is beautifully supportive. We have so much to be grateful for in Mrs. Morgan. Chanel competed on Friday night and won her racing on the track. And Abbie began to play songs with two hands on the piano in her Saturday morning lesson.

Saturday was the Karis Removals Christmas party – at Jamberoo park, just down the road from us. Mum and dad invited the family and the children had a wonderful time. Unfortunately Kylie slipped and fell and hurt herself. Sunday was not much better and a quick visit to the maternity unit was completed for reassurance that all was well. Only about 9 weeks until our new baby is with us in person! We can’t wait.

Sunday was a treat, despite being completely tired out. Sacrament meeting was a time of reflection. I took Kylie to the hospital during Sunday School class. Then I taught the young men about the eternal importance of families. As we contemplated the prospect of eternal families and the importance of our families in mortality I struggled to hold my emotions in check. The boys and other leaders were visibly moved, and the day ended with deep Spiritual feelings of love.

This afternoon the children have played games together, splashed in puddles in the rain, read books, and been entirely delightful! Our roast dinner is about to be served. And I cannot help but be grateful for remarkable joy, abundance, and grace in my life.

To conclude, some of the random positive and useful thoughts that came from the conference…

“We need to move from a welfare economy to a wellbeing economy”
“We need to move from consuming material goods to non-material goods”

5 ways to wellbeing: Need to connect; Be active; Take notice; Keep learning; Give.

We need to eliminate the competitive model in organisations and education. Cooperate, not compete.

Vision without action is merely a dream, Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.

Songs express who we are and how we feel, they bring us closer to others, they keep us company when we are alone. They articulate our beliefs and values, and they bear witness to our lives. Songs weave tales of our joys and sorrows, they reveal our innermost secrets, and they express our hopes and disappointments, our fears and triumphs. They are our musical diaries, our life stories. They are the sounds of our personal development.

Cruelty in almost every case is related to inattentiveness. If we truly pay attention we are far more likely to be compassionate.

Trying to control an emotion is very different to learning not to let an emotion control you.

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves – Einstein.

The Little Red Hen, and other stories.

I was just about to begin my report of the past two weeks when Ella dashed down the stairs past me. “Don’t worry Dad, I’m not going to ask you any questions” she panted as she sprinted into the kitchen. No more than five seconds later she raced back past me on her way up the stairs. Pausing, she stared at me and in all sincerity reassured me “I love you Daddy, and I always will.” I don’t think there’s anything better.

While the past fortnight has been extremely busy, it has also been rather dull. My days have consisted of writing a report of my most recent study. Perhaps a brief overview will not be too much of an imposition: I am interested in the concept of people having a “calling” in life, and specifically whether or not people can feel ‘called’ to be parents. I interviewed parents to ask them how they would describe ‘calling’ and what their experiences of calling may be, whether in their own lives or in the lives of others. Previous researchers have only ever examined calling in the vocational context, so this is quite a new idea to be examining it in the parental domain.

My participants’ responses suggest that calling in parenthood can and does exist. The core components they identified were that called parents see the role as a central part of their identity, sense great meaning in the role, sacrifice significantly, have parenting always on their mind, felt and remain drawn to do their best in the role, and are passionate about being parents. These results are consistent with the concept of calling in other roles and seem to be valuable in both research and applied directions. In particular the idea of calling is linked to optimal outcomes in other domains and so we anticipate that more research will yield similar results in family life. This will make this research very useful for practitioners and those who develop interventions for parents in need. Finally some success with my PhD.

The report is essentially finished now, and I hope to submit it in the coming week or two. If I can see it published that will be a significant and positive outcome.

On Australia Day we spent considerable time with Tim and Kesh again. They visited us for Family Home Evening the night previous and we ate Chickos. Lots of it! Then on Tuesday we ventured south to Gerringong where they stayed. We took the children to the beach and swam, before returning to their accommodation for barbequed lamb chops, leftover Chickos, and more.

The following day, Wednesday the 27th Jan, I had a special errand to run for the University. Grant applications were due in Canberra – a 3 hour drive. Several million dollars worth of grants were being applied for by our department and to ensure they arrived safely and on time I was given a hire car and paid to drive to Canberra and back to deliver them. I took three small passengers with me: Chanel, Abbie, and Ella. We met our friends, the Thayer family, and visited Questacon – the National Science Centre – for the day! Given that it was the last day of NSW school holidays the place was almost empty. The children barely had to line up for anything, and played for hours. It was a wonderful treat.

Chanel and Abbie started school on Thursday. Chanel is now a Grade 5 girl while Abbie moved into Grade 2. They have had a stellar start to the school year and things are going very well for them.

Friday night was a superb night at the velodrome. Chanel had the race of her life, hanging onto the back of the older, faster girls as they raced. She managed to ride further, faster, and longer than ever before and was so overwhelmed by the experience that she burst into tears when she finally stopped after the race. She was ecstatic about her effort and loved telling everyone how hard she had worked.

Saturday we enjoyed time in the pool during the morning. I had a bike race during the afternoon, called cyclocross. It’s a race over all kinds of terrain and obstacles requiring the riders to dismount, carry their bikes on their shoulders, and essentially ride their hearts out. We had a tremendous time. I finished 8th in a field of just under 20 riders, which I was pleased with given that I don’t have the type of bike-handling skills and experience many of the other riders had. It was a hard race. That night my legs were so sore I could barely climb the stairs to bed. Exhaustion!

Sunday was quiet at church. It is such an important part of my week and I love being there. We had Verna and her two daughters over for a pancake and ice-cream lunch. Sweet, sticky, and completely, delectably, delicious.

Monday Feb 1 was Ella’s first day of kindergarten. Our 3rd daughter is now at big school! We were extremely nervous. Ella has always required a lot of her teachers and has obviously had some special needs over the years. To say that this week has been successful for Ella is to understate just how wonderful it really has been! Ella loves school. She loves her teachers. She is developing friendships. We are so grateful that the transition to school has been so successful.

Abbie recommenced piano lessons this week and is delighted to be back there. We are hopeful that her progress will be exciting to watch over the year. And Chanel swam in her swimming carnival for school on Friday. She enjoyed her day and swam well, winning the 50m butterfly and breaststroke for her age, as well as placing second in the 50m backstroke and freestyle. In addition she placed third in the 100m freestyle, which was also against girls a year older than her. As if that is not enough, she will also represent her school at the district swimming carnival in all four of the 50m events and the 200m individual medley. Chanel is feeling pretty good about her efforts.

Saturday I went for an early bike ride, leaving home shortly before 5.30am. It was wet, windy, and pouring rain at various times, but I still snuck in around 110kms AND returned home 20 minutes early. What a guy! My daddy-daughter date was with Abbie. We visited the RSPCA to find a pet puppy but there were none available. Then we visited the Wollongong Science Centre (part of the deal when we bought our annual pass to Questacon). It was such a treat. Lots of fun.

Saturday night brought with it the highlight of the week though I think. Not only did we have one of my favourite meals for dinner – wraps – but we were treated to a puppet show by Abbie and Ella. They hid behind the lounge and held the puppets up above the top. They then re-enacted the story of the Little Red Hen from memory. I didn’t even know they knew it! They giggled infectiously and soon our whole family was laughing out loud with delight. And they told the whole story! It was the best puppet show I’ve ever seen in our family. Then the children put on their favourite CD of kids songs and danced and jumped around the lounge room with complete and absolute vigour. It was such a treat to watch and laugh with them.

Sunday was testimony meeting. It was a refreshingly good meeting, perhaps as much because of who didn’t speak as who did. With only five minutes to go our Stake President rose and commenced his “testimony”. It lasted approximately 20 minutes. After around 15 minutes Chanel looked up at me and asked, “Is he going to talk about everything?” It was very funny, but hard to sit through. By that time the children throughout the chapel knew it was beyond our regular meeting time, and were eager to be out the door. So his testimony really pushed a few buttons. But he is a good man, and had an important message. The afternoon was restful. I accidentally fell asleep for nearly three hours. Yikes. I knew I was tired, but did not expect that!

So now dinner is about to be eaten. Steak with chilli and basil – YUM! The children are happily ensconced in their activities and are anxiously awaiting another chapter or two of Enid Blyton’s “Enchanted Wood.” Our family is blessed beyond all deserving, and we are deeply grateful.

Progress

Two weeks condensed into one entry today. I didn’t write last week as it was so uneventful. On Monday the 11th of Jan (2 weeks ago) Kylie’s sister, Adele, and their family of five packed up and left after a little over a week with us. They only stayed two days longer than Kylie’s parents, but it was still great to have them stay with us. We had a full house – and some very tired and restless children – but it was a terrific week and a delight to spend time with Kylie’s family. I’m actually starting to like them (haha…).

The remainder of the week we pretty much settled back into a fairly quiet routine. The children played with friends and spent time in the pool. I began to put in some longer hours at uni again.

A highlight of the working week was meeting with my supervisors. I have been consistently frustrated with a lack of interaction and direction from my primary supervisor. In our meeting I expressed the following: this is the final year of my PhD; I intend to complete this year; it’s in all of our interests for me to be successfully concluded before Christmas; I need from him genuine and clear action items on a weekly basis with follow up; and from now on, weekly meetings please (to keep me accountable and working hard). The response… “Ok”. That tells me one thing: 2010 GAME ON! I am very motivated and have heaps of work to do as a result of this meeting and my 2010 goal to complete my PhD and be called Dr. Coulson by Christmas.

On the weekend we took the children to a beautiful beach south of Shellharbour called Killalea. Spectacular scenery, and a perfect (albeit windy) afternoon. We played in the surf for hours, with the children catching countless waves on their boogie boards. They were delighted. Kylie was on the sand with Annie, perhaps a little uncomfortable, but willing to go through it because of the joy the children experienced. Wonderful!

Kylie has had increasing difficulties with veins in her legs as we enter the third trimester of pregnancy number five. She is now wearing compression stockings and has been ordered to stay off her feet where possible. The stockings are hot, thick, and white; hardly summer apparel. But we have a pool and are making the most of it to make Kylie more comfortable.

Chanel flew back into Sydney on Friday after a wonderful week in Brisbane. She’s becoming quite the frequent flyer and deals with it quite well. Her time in Brisbane was spent at Wet ‘n Wild and Sea World Theme Parks, visiting with friends and relatives, and generally being spoilt. And she clearly had a ball!

Saturday and Sunday we also enjoyed lengthy visits from Tim and his new wife, Kesh. It was terrific to spend time with them. Marriage has already made a definite impact on Tim, his temperament, and his desire to be around us. We really really enjoyed their company and hope we get to see more of them!

Annie seems to have decided that church is too hard to sit through. She consistently expresses a need to visit the ladies room throughout the meeting, and we have to believe her because it would not be pretty if we didn’t give her the benefit of the doubt. Thus church has become less than uplifting for me as I typically make at least four or five trips outside with her.

Monday of this week we waved goodbye to Abbie as she went to Canberra for some time with the Thayer family. Abbie stayed with her best friend, Elissa, after mum dropped her off down there. (Mum had some Especially For Youth workshops to teach). I fasted Monday in preparation for my first (and hopefully last) colonoscopy.

Tuesday I went into the hospital. My experience there was uncomfortable and I hope not to require another visit like that. The doctor confirmed what I already knew – everything’s fine. I’ve had to teach myself how to keep it that way, but have things under control now.

Wednesday I was back at work, and the Thayer family arrived to stay a few days. The week remained quite busy with my work schedule, so I spent Thursday and Friday ensconced in the air-conditioned cool of my office working hard on new projects thanks to a freshly invigorated and focused supervisor. Meanwhile the children played with the Thayer family and utilised the pool and the spectacular beaches we have. It was a great week for the family.

Friday night was something of a revelation for me. I received an email from Church offices in Sydney inviting me to participate in a major charity ride from Melbourne to Sydney with many politicians and other "opinion leaders". It is scheduled for April in the week preceding our new baby’s birth. I immediately began planning how I could participate despite the inevitable clash of priorities. Frantic phone calls were made to Kylie’s mum and sister to check their availability in aiding us for babysitting. Then I went to watch the racing at the velodrome. (I didn’t race as the 40 degree night previous had meant I didn’t sleep… too tired to race). I mentioned the ride to some friends. They indicated that my priorities needed adjusting. I spent some time alone, contemplating. They were right. I asked myself “How did I get to this?” before finally returning home to Kylie and apologising. I’m not going to Melbourne for the ride in April. It was hard to pull out, but it feels good to have made the right choice.

Saturday I was still struggling with tiredness. Sluggish after late hot nights. I spent time in the morning playing in the pool with the children. Then watched a live stage of the Tour Down Under at a friend’s house. Tidied the yard with my new mower (second hand from Dad), and ate good food with the family. Collapsed, exhausted at 10pm.

Sunday turned out to be a real highlight of the week. We woke late and stumbled into church just in time. The children were almost perfect during the sacrament meeting which was a pleasant surprise. I taught the Young Men about having the Holy Ghost with us today in priesthood meeting. It was a wonderful experience and everyone enjoyed it so much we actually went about fifteen minutes over time. The boys stayed without complaining and even participated! After a brief discussion of the doctrine three questions guided our conversation… How can I recognise the promptings of the Spirit?, What can keep me from receiving promptings? And when have I been warned, prompted, or inspired by the Spirit? There was enough to fill an afternoon rather than 30 minutes!

The afternoon was spent eating pancakes, writing letters to good friends serving missions, and then playing in the park around the corner. We arrived home in time to eat a delicious dinner with Tim and Kesh. They popped in for another visit before spending time in Gerringong. As I reflect on the week I’m delighted with the progress, decisions, and wonderful times that have blessed my life and our family.

Family Reunion

I realised that in my last update of the past few months I failed to highlight one of the most exciting things that we’ve experienced in our family ever. I spent the best part of 2009 working part time on organising a visit to Australia by one of my favourite LDS singers/performers: Kenneth Cope. In early November he arrived! We had him stay at our house between performances, and spent lots of time with him. For his final two performances we packed out the Macarthur Stake Centre with about 500 people and 800 people. He did such an amazing job, and his performances were inspiring in every way. While there were loads of things I wish we’d done differently, I was so happy to be able to arrange his visit and see it come to fruition. The feedback from the many members who attended was terrific, and I hope to arrange another visit from another artist in the coming year or two.

Now onto more current news… The past week has seen me torn between priorities. Kylie’s parents arrived on Monday to spend the week with us. Her two sisters also came with their husbands and children. This meant a wonderful time with family, along with an extra 6 adults and 4 children in the house. One of Kylie’s sisters stayed with her husband and son at a friend’s house which lessened the bedding requirements, however we were pleased to be able to see them spending time at our home consistently through the week as well.

Monday was, quite simply, a recovery day. Chanel began her week earlier than most. She now swims at 6am each Monday, so that meant an early start to the day. Shortly after we got home from swimming the extended family arrivals commenced. We did very little other than reacquaint ourselves, swim in the pool, eat good food, and rest during the remainder of the day. Kylie’s tortillas were manna from heaven at meal time.

Tuesday I set a new personal best time riding up Macquarie Pass. I rode it in 28 minutes, 30 seconds. It hurt. But it felt great. I took more than one minute off my previous best time. Kylie took her sisters and mum to Berry for some “girls” time. Chanel went for the ride too and felt very grown up.

Wednesday was the best day of the week! Ella Rose turned 6 and we arranged a party at the beach. We were there early enough to secure a picnic shelter. Mum and Dad brought Jaxson, Paris, Phoenix, and Logan down (as well as a giant ham that we’ll be eating for the next two months!), and Tim and Kesh joined us as well. We ate good food, swam in the ocean, played in the sand, and had a wonderful morning with family and friends. Ella was at her best, delighted by the thoughtful gifts she received, and thrilled by the kind attention showered on her. We finally dragged ourselves away from the beach two hours later than we’d planned, sandy, sun-kissed, and sleepy.

Thursday I had to return to work. Too many things have been piling up and deadlines are getting closer. This means I had to leave the family to enjoy their activities without me. I was disappointed, and struggled for motivation, but got a good start on the long list of things to complete. Kylie and the rest of the troops caught the train to Kiama. It was a big adventure for the kids, and despite some tired toddlers, they all seemed to thoroughly enjoy being in such a wonderful place. That evening we enjoyed long conversations together. It felt good.

Friday I convinced Kylie’s sister Adele, and her husband Ystyn, to stay for a few more days (without needing to try to hard). They had planned on returning to Brisbane Friday night. But sights needed to be seen on the weekend and they were happy to stay a little longer. I worked at uni again, the children played, and everyone else relaxed as much as possible. Friday night track racing was on, and Chanel and I gave it our very best! I love riding my bike. The extended family thought velodrome racing was brilliant.

Saturday saw us ditching all plans for sightseeing. Instead we stayed home, swam in the pool, ate, and relaxed. Kylie’s parents commenced their 14 hour drive home around lunch time. Chanel went with them to spend a week holidaying with friends and family in sunny QLD. We already miss our baby girl so much!

Sunday was quiet too. Church in the morning was a personal highlight for me. The sacrament brought a peace that was refreshing and renewing. Everyone left church after the first hour except Abbie and I. Lots of tired children do not a happy Sunday School make! We enjoyed being together all afternoon before a superb BBQ dinner and a drive to the beach. We walked and played for a couple of hours before we returned home at 9pm, exhausted, but deeply satisfied.

Tim's Wedding

This is a link to a slideshow to the wedding of my little brother, Tim, and his wife Kesh.

http://jonaspeterson.com/slideshows/coulson/

The pics are genuinely some of the best I've seen. Looks like something out of some high end magazine.

Next time I'm in Brisbane I'm going to have saved enough to have this photographer do a shoot for my family.

2009 Wrap

Sunday 3rd January, 2010

The New Year has begun. And with our family finally being settled in our new home it’s time to reacquaint myself with my journalistic weekly reviews and reinvigorate a habit that has fallen idly to the side in the past couple of months while I’ve been overly occupied with everything else!

It’s 4am as I write this update. Sleep is not being my friend tonight. I’ve been awake a little over an hour contemplating two of my favourite topics: parenting, and cycling.

Rather than try to catch things up for the past few months (September was the last time I wrote), and in the interest of brevity, I’ll highlight a few high points from the year, and review the week that has been.

In late October we determined to buy a home. I had tired of renting, and we were out of patience with a landlord who failed to maintain the home we lived in. Endless reminders to him about work that he was required to do to keep his house in order proved fruitless. We negotiated to buy the house from him but he didn’t want this to occur until June/July 2010. We inspected a house the following day and unexpectedly fell for it. This was a house we wanted for ourselves. So the negotiation on our rental was ceased and we bought our new home. The move occurred in early December. We had ample help from friends at church, and things went extremely well.

Our new home is quite large, with 5 bedrooms. There are also 3 bathrooms, although we will be converting one into a laundry when we commence renovations. The home has 2 kitchens (about 30 years old), which will also go in the renovations. We enjoy the double garage with all of its storage capacity! And I love my workbench. But the biggest and most enjoyable highlight of the home is the swimming pool. The children are in there at least 5 times a day, and relish the opportunity to play in the water.

One of the unexpected but welcome changes required as a result of a new home was the need to send the children to a new school. Nareena Hills Primary School is just around the corner from our home. While nervous about the change, we opted to move the children during term 4 so that the Christmas holiday would not involve any nervous waiting for them. Relationships have already been established in a very positive way, and we are delighted with the new school and the way in which it deals with things.

Ella ran away from the school on her orientation day during December. This led to meetings with the school, and we were impressed with their efforts to understand Ella and her needs. We are confident that, while challenging for her, Ella will be well looked after at this school – particularly compared with the old school the children were attending. The attention we’ve received has been remarkable in comparison to what we previously experienced. We are delighted with the new school, and the children appear to be too.

The only other major family event of recent times occurred during the past week. My little brother, Timothy James, finally married his sweetheart, Keshia Vinson. It was a lovely celebration of their love and commitment. The temple wedding ceremony was at 9am. Photos were taken before we made our way into Darlinghurst and Oxford St to eat at their favourite pizza shop – Love Supreme. I was invited to MC the reception. It’s not a task that I enjoy, but I agreed… it was for my brother! They did things a lot like Kylie and I. The reception was only just over 2 hours long, and very informal. No reserved seating, just lots of friends together, mingling and enjoying pizza. Their wedding cake was a giant Rocky Road! And it was wonderful.

As I consider 2009 for our family, it has been a rocky road of sorts too – one with sweet parts on occasion, but plenty of bumps too, and they weren’t all chocolate coated!

For me, my PhD has been a challenge. Things have not gone particularly well. Yet I’m optimistic about 2010. I’ve learned an awful lot about research, and know my area better than I would have thought (and probably better than most people in Australia). Progress has been slow, almost non-existent. But the progress that has been made has been important. My cycling has become a great outlet for me, and I have found renewed vigour in working with the Young Men at church after some challenges. But I’m probably more tired than I was last year. And I feel that my children deserve more of me. This will need to be remedied in 2010.

Kylie is an inspiration, but pregnancy is tiring her out. We are delighted, though, with the thought of a precious baby coming into our home. We eagerly await April. Questions about more children will not be answered for some time. Kylie is also anticipating the opportunity to renovate our new home and add her inspired touch. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes!

Chanel has had a difficult year but we are confident things will improve. Riding has been an on-again and off-again pursuit for her. We are not sure how likely it is that she’ll continue, but for now she is back into it. Her swimming is now at two days each week in squad and we are delighted with her progress. She is also very excited to swim. Mondays we’re at the pool at 6am in addition to her Thursday afternoon swim. We are hopeful that her academic interests will improve in 2010 after a poor two years at her previous school.

Abbie is a joy, and loves school and piano. We have so much to be grateful for with this little girl. We are looking forward to her increasing emotional maturity as I’m sure she’ll be even more delightful as she learns to regulate herself a little better and develops greater independence.

Ella Rose completed her final year of preschool in December. She’s off to big school for 2010. This represents a massive milestone for our precious Energetic Ella. We are praying for a good friend for her. Ella has no children her age at church with whom she can be best friends. This is difficult for her. The other children have always enjoyed special relationships with at least one church friend. Additionally, because of the nature of preschool, Ella has not really formed any close relationships with children there. And few, if any, of her preschool buddies will be attending the same school as Ella. So we are hopeful that 2010 will be the year Ella gets a great friend.

And Annie is simply a delight. We wish we could share Annie with everyone. They would smile in their hearts for the entire day after a few short minutes with her. Absolutely amazing!

Last Friday was Christmas Day. We shared a wonderful morning together as a family. Then we drove to Gosford via Auburn. It was a treat to share some time with Nan and Pop, but as always time was getting away on us and we had to race to Gosford. One day I’m going to pull up at Cardigan St without having to be somewhere else in a hurry. Mum and Dad’s place was a hive of activity. And while it was nice to be with family, we determined that our own growing family will no longer travel for Christmas. We will have Christmas celebrations with extended family before or after the holiday instead. Our children need our traditions, and we’re our own family now. We arrived home from Gosford at midnight and slept in on Boxing Day.

Since then we’ve enjoyed a week off. The university has been closed. I’ve been at home. We’ve read books, swam in the pool, eaten good food, visited the beach, and I’ve done a lot of riding. We’ve discussed the future, dealt with some frightening issues raised by Centrelink (the government agency that assists us with income while I’m a student), and made plans for the New Year. And we’ve made preparations for the first full week of January where we expect to make room for Kylie’s entire family to visit… parents, sisters, and their husbands and children.

Finally – as I conclude this week’s update – Sunday has come and gone again. I love Sunday. I often don’t get as much out of it as I would like due to the children and their desire for more activity and less quiet, but I still love Sunday. I visited with four families from church this afternoon and enjoyed uplifting conversations. Kylie cooked corned beef that left me feeling deeply grateful for cows – it tasted sooo good. The children are in bed, sleeping peacefully and I’ve just returned from a friend’s home where I enjoyed a late evening lemon meringue after an unexpected invitation. Savouring the delights has only made them better again.