Living here and now

This update is likely to be short on detail as I try to squeeze three weeks of highs and lows into a brief newsletter.

The week from July 6-12 was ordinary at best. Highlights were a new oven to replace our broken one… and that’s about it. PhD data came through, and it was bad. I was feeling low and despite wonderfully kind attempts to help me from Kylie, the children, and some good friends, I wasn’t going to be dragged out of my misery by anyone. I was irresponsible on the back of the bad PhD news, by staying up until 2 or 3am watching Le Tour de France. I don’t do well when tired or hungry, especially when combined with stress. As a result of my ineffectiveness at managing myself during the week I cannot report on the children or Kylie. Suffice to say I made their lives more difficult than they should have been. A flat tyre in my Saturday bike race capped off a poor week.

Sunday July 12 we spontaneously decided to drive to Gosford. The children were on holidays and I felt like we had to get away. Monday 13 we had the best family day in months. We drove from mum and dad’s place to picturesque and quiet Wagstaffe where the children played with their cousins. Mat, Kylie, and I joined in as we played on swings, rode bikes, had running races, and played tip and stuck in the mud. We ate burgers and chips for lunch, courtesy of Mat, and the children played some more. Tuesday we did it all again! Finally we drove home after two terrific Central Coast days.

Wed July 15 I spent some time at uni reconfiguring a PhD gone bad and tried again with my survey. I emailed it to everyone I could and asked them to pass it on as I try to resurrect a messy pile of data. Then I drove Abbie to Goulburn to pick up her very best friend in the whole wide world, Elissa Thayer. Elissa and her parents met us in Goulburn, having driven from Canberra, and told me they were nervous as Elissa has never stayed away from her parents overnight. Around 8pm, as we neared Wollongong Elissa had a meltdown. She sobbed and pleaded for her parents. My attempts at reassurance were futile. I was so grateful for Abbie, who maturely put her arms around Elissa and sang songs to her until she calmed down. Fabulous Abulous! She was perfect. Elissa was tired and fell asleep. Thursday through Saturday was wonderful as the two girls consolidated a beautiful and long lasting friendship.

Friday Kylie went to Kiama with all of the children on the train. They visited the blowhole and watched the water spray, and wished the weather was warmer.

Saturday Kylie drove back to Goulburn to return Elissa to her parents after a delightful visit. I rode the toughest handicap race I’ve ever had and came 7th. We rode fast – although I guess that’s what racing’s all about. Sunday was uplifting as we attended church and I taught the young men. The children are getting better and better and sitting reverently throughout the entire service.

This past week has seen difficulties, and associated blessings and insights. I’ve done little at uni as I await data for my survey. A preliminary analysis of what has been collected left me pessimistic. It appears that my PhD is precariously perched on the precipice of pain! Not only is my data not working, but the paper I submitted for publication was returned with feedback. I am still digesting the feedback, but it was not what I had hoped for. The reviewers are full of praise for my idea, but claim there is still a great deal of work to be done. Unfortunately, unlike my previous review, this one was lacking in potential direction to aid me. So with data not working, and a theoretical paper that is not progressing it appears I am at a significant and important crossroad.

To clear my head, and emotionally detach, we decided to return to Gosford for the final few days of the children’s holidays. Wednesday I started riding north – straight into a horrible gusty north-west wind. I had planned to reach Gosford, but after 140 kms of hard riding I packed it in at Berowra. Next time I’ll make the distance. Kylie had left after me and met me on the highway. I was glad for the car, but disappointed to not finish.

Thursday 23rd was a perfect morning. We rode with the children along the Central Coast’s Brisbane Water between Tascott and Woy Woy. There is a quiet bike path that follows the water’s edge for miles, and some little parks and play areas for the children. The day was warm, clear, and begging to be enjoyed. We gave it our best. Chanel, Kylie, Annie, and Ella rode ahead while I jogged beside Abbie. My patience was tested several times – and I failed the test – as Abbie continually demonstrated her massive incompetence on the bike. My frustration overflowed as I tried again and again to aid her. I muttered under my breath that she was a ‘cycling spastic’, a ‘riding retard’. No one heard me, and I was proud of the alliteration, but disappointed that I was judging my girl. Then, we turned the bike around and headed toward the car. Abbie rode with proficiency I never expected. I was amazed! I accosted myself for my acrid accusations, and repented. Then I enthusiastically encouraged Abbie for her effort with all my heart. She is an amazing little girl… just not so great on a bikeJ. The children played with their cousins all Thursday afternoon in a park. Thursday night we enjoyed dessert of pancakes and ice-cream with good friends, Ben and Kate.

Friday ended up being disappointing for the children. We had anticipated more play with cousins, but my sister made other plans and the children weren’t available. It was cold outside so we played the Nintendo Wii for hours in mum and dad’s loungeroom. I got Wii shoulder (a bit like tennis elbowJ) from swing my arm so hard! We finally drove home that afternoon after a terrific trip. Annie kept asking for “nanny” and “poppy”, but we couldn’t help her understand that they were holidaying in Europe. We’d say, “Nanny gone” and Annie would say “Nanny?”

Annie’s favourite game at the moment is to say “Hi Mum”. As soon as she has a response she says “Hi Dad”. The crazy thing is she’ll play the game – Hi mum, Hi Dad – for twenty minutes without stopping! And if Kylie and I don’t respond she gets really angry and shouts “HI MUM” or “HI DAD” until we say hello in reciprocation! It makes it extremely hard to have a conversation.

Saturday morning began beautifully. A temple wedding for some friends. We relished being at the temple and seeing two wonderful people make eternal promises to one another. They were full of joy. And the promises they made offer so much to their lives, now and forever. We drove back to the Gong for bike racing. An accident on the road meant we made it with about ten minutes to spare. I came third in a tough race and was told that I can no longer race in C grade. I’m off to B grade from next week.

Saturday evening I MC’d the wedding of Tim and Clara. They are Indonesian, and many Indonesians were there. They appreciated my attempts at speaking in their language as I strained my memory to recall the words I learned when I was 14. I still had a few words after twenty years. The night was terrific, and it was a privilege to MC the event.

Today was a sensational Sabbath. Church was uplifting. A general authority visited and spoke to us. His message touched me as he reflected on how we are known to God. I taught the young men about Saul’s conversion following Stephen’s stoning, and we discussed what Paul meant as he asked us to put on the ‘whole armour of God’.

Final insight… Kylie and I have recently experienced an emotional rollercoaster that is sure to continue for some time yet given the state of my research. We have been planning our future (post study) and agonising over details such as where we will live two or three years from now. It has made us miserable. Kylie wisely suggested that we need to live for here and now if we are to be happy. We will do better if we focus on living right, right where we are. I think she is right – again, and I am grateful to have her helping me.