Wonderful to me

This week has really been a blur. A little bit of schoolwork and teaching has been mixed in with a whole lot of renovating and trying to be useful around the house. My usefulness around the house has been pretty minimal though, with Kylie’s mum saving the day for us. We could simply not have gotten through the week without her. The amount of cleaning, washing, ironing, and helping get the children organised that she has done is amazing. She leaves our home tonight for Brisbane again, and I can’t help but think that she may well sleep for a week before she recovers from what has been a really challenging week!

Aside from the wonderful feeling of bringing Kylie and Lilli home from the hospital on Monday, there’s really very little of any importance to share from the weekdays. They simply raced by. However, Saturday and Sunday were particularly meaningful in my life.


Ella, age 6.

Saturday was Ella’s daddy-daughter date and we went bike riding. We’ve ridden many times in the past months, always with the same result. I suggest that her training wheels should come off the bike, and Ella tells me she needs them for just a little bit longer. Saturday we took them off. Ella began pedalling along the quiet bike path. There was perfect soft grass on either side of us as I began to jog behind her, holding her seat carefully, helping her balance. As Ella built momentum, I realised that she was balancing alone for longer and longer stretches.

As we reached a point in the path where it remained straight for over 100 metres, I realised that this was it. The only thing keeping her from riding alone was my hand on the back of her seat. As Ella set her line I held my breath and reluctantly released my hold on her saddle. For several surreal seconds I watched, in awe of my little girl, riding away from me, legs pedalling furiously around and around, down the bike path.

When she called out for me and realised I was no longer with her, Ella wobbled just a bit. Then she took control of the bike, fixed her gaze on the path ahead, and rode and rode and rode, while I jogged behind trying to catch up. She eventually stopped near the roadside, perhaps a distance of 200-300 metres from where I’d let go of her, and waited for me to arrive. I finally reached her, delirious with excitement, but also a little saddened. As I watched my little girl ride away from me it, in some ways, felt as though something else left me. The need that Ella has on me felt, in some way, a little less than it has been previously. Ella’s growing independence, like that of Chanel and Abbie, is making me that little less ‘necessary’ as a parent – at least in terms of providing for her physical care and needs. Yet that is precisely what a good parent is meant to do – make him or herself redundant in terms of physical care.

In spite of this, Ella was delighted with her progress and we laughed and high-fived one another as she continued to ride for the next 30 minutes. And I realised that if I work things out right, I’ll never be redundant in providing emotional care. Which means many more years of wonderful joys and tears as we grow together.


Chanel, Abbie, and Ella playing with Aunty Rachel

My bike race on Saturday afternoon was the first race for me on the road in over 7 months. Given that I’ve had a sore leg for some weeks I elected to drop back to C grade, rather than ride in B grade. As it turns out, my lack of riding and preparation came back to humble me significantly. I had promised not to interfere with the race. Since I was previously a much stronger rider than the C grade riders I was very confident that I could probably win. As it turned out I got left behind at the 22km mark. The bunch was simply too fast and too strong for me. I rode the final 46kms alone and was completely spent by the time I finished the ride. I also came in somewhere probably close to last. It means that C grade will be my home for a few months again while I try to work my way back into race fitness.

Kylie’s sister, Adele, and her dad arrived on Saturday afternoon. Kylie was delighted to have her family nearby. They had driven all night to be with us and we spent some nice time together eating Kylie’s mum’s Chop Suey. Nom, nom, nom!


Abbie May - contemplating. Age 7.

Sunday morning brought a wonderful surprise. We arranged to have Lilli’s baby blessing that morning and the whole family were travelling from Gosford. I could not believe it when I received a call from mum telling me she was on her way and would actually be on time!

Our opening hymn was an old LDS favourite, “Count your Blessings’. I enjoy the hymn for the harmonies, but it is not one of my personal favourites. However, as we sang:

Count your blessings name them one by one

I was reduced to tears. I looked around me and named my blessings one by one, beginning with Kylie, then Chanel, Abbie, Ella, Annie, and our precious Lilli. I could barely comprehend the depth of gratitude I felt as I watched them all. As I looked further I saw my parents, my four sisters, and my brother with his wife. And I saw Kylie’s family. I don’t think it’s possible to come close to counting my blessings.

An opening prayer was offered to commence the meeting, and then I was invited to stand with Lilli and give her a name and blessing (similar in some ways to a christening, but without the water – LDS don’t accept the teaching of original sin and baby’s guilt). As I stood with my dad, Kylie’s dad, and Tim, I felt immensely inadequate. I held this tiny baby and was supposed to bless her! My voice was quivering as I pronounced her name officially as Lilli Emma Coulson. I blessed her that she would live up to the meaning of her name, as a pure daughter of God. I blessed her that she would be like her namesake in finding joy in everything around her and maintaining a healthy enthusiasm for life. I blessed her that she would enjoy a normal development. I blessed her that she would learn faith in Christ, and would be a covenant-maker and a covenant-keeper. I blessed her that she would be part of an eternal family. Lilli brought joy to the four of us as the blessing ended. I said “Amen” and in perfect response Lilli sighed a little sound that, for all of us, was a perfect, baby-sized “Amen”.

I tried to sing our sacramental hymn, I Stand All Amazed, but was unable to open my mouth. The tender feelings of the morning’s experience stopped me making any sound at all. But I felt every word. “Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.”

After sacrament I raced home to prepare lunch. We ate well. Chicken, steak, salad, cake, and pavlova. Perhaps we ate too well! It was so much sweeter as we enjoyed time together, and it was an extra special treat to have Nanna Coulson and Auntie Jan come for the visit too. It’s a long trip for Nan and we appreciated their effort. We wished Nanna Bunt and Pop could have come along too.

It’s late Sunday night now. The Joneses have just left our street, driving north to QLD again. They have around 14 hours of driving ahead of them. We are so grateful for their sacrifice and incredible hard work over the past week, particularly for Kylie’s mum, who has worked feverishly all week to make life easier for Kylie. I hope Kylie and I can be that good to our children when they need us. As I reflect on a week full of so many joys, I cannot help but feel thankful as I count my many blessings. Oh it is wonderful, wonderful to me.