It's started!

Wow!

Week one of university has just run out, and I don't think I've experienced intensity like it. By the end of week two I will have:

• Completed a statistics exam (review, but still contributing to overall outcomes)
• Written a 2000 word essay on the better-than-average effect, a cognitive illusion that, it is argued, most of us possess. It makes us think we're better than we really are. (I actually finished it at 11.50pm last night, having read over 20 empirical articles for it in the past 5 days)
• Written a 1500 word rationale for my thesis supervisor outlining the foundations for my thesis research question to determine whether it is substantive enough to warrant investigation
• Prepared and presented a 20 minute talk related to addiction, specifically the underpinning mechanisms of craving and desire that produce motivation to engage in something an individual is aware of as being harmful, yet their addiction sees them involve themselves anyway.

Needless to say, I've been spending a lot of time in front of the computer but at this point I've only taken care of the first couple. Honours year is INTENSE! I'm anticipating that if I keep working at this pace the intensity will dissipate though. I'm trying to get work done early in the semester so that I can focus more intently on my thesis.

I still have made some observations about family and life this week though, so I'm fortunate to have the capacity to enjoy some time with them.

Chanel and Ella have both been unwell. It's amazing how quiet life gets when they stay in bed all day. Wonderful! But we miss their energy and enthusiasm, so fortunately it hasn't been for more than a day.

We've discovered that Ella loves to sing! She still doesn't speak clearly so understanding what she's saying is beyond impossible, but if we sing a song she belts it out with us and smiles the whole time. We also have a little yellow laughing toy that giggles when pushed. Ella loves to push it and giggle with it. It's beautiful to watch.

For over 6 months now we've struggled with putting Ella to bed. She fights every night and makes it awful for us. It has resulted in Kylie and I making poor decisions in our handling of Ella, borne out of frustration and tiredness. Many nights she's still awake at 9pm, while her sisters willingly and easily sleep at 7pm.

This week I had an answer to prayer. After a particularly frustrating night I again prayed for help. Nothing. But the next morning as I prayed I felt inspired to change my prayer. Instead of asking what I had to do to change Ella and her behaviour, I prayed that my heart would be changed, and that I would change my behaviour. As I continued to pray I felt that Ella doesn't like to be controlled in certain aspects of her life and sleep is one of them. I also recognised that irrespective of what we did to attempt to persuade or cajole Ella into sleeping, she rarely went to bed before 8.30. Lastly, I acknowledged that the most difficult days of all were the ones where Ella has had a sleep at kindy or home.

Kylie and I spoke, and I also emailed Wally, a psychologist friend in the USA. I felt strongly that we should simply let Ella decide when to go to bed. (This had been suggested previously and we tried it, but I got frustrated and fearful that she would never go to sleep when she was still up after 9pm!). For the past 4 or 5 nights Ella has been deciding. That means I'm not allowed to get stressed out. Interestingly, she's chosen to go to sleep alone by around 8.30pm each night. It's still too late for my liking, but night's are now peaceful and Ella is happy. I feel good about relinquishing control and letting Ella take responsibility. And she's making good decisions.

Poor Kylie. She's still feeling quite poorly with the pregnancy. And even though it's Autumn, it's hot. Kylie isn't "sick" as much as she's feeling weak, tired, and uncomfortable. It seems that this is going to be a long pregnancy!

And lastly, tonight I'm going to be giving my first radio appearance as a parenting expert. A few weeks ago there was a newspaper article describing political action aimed at making smacking children illegal. I'll be discussing the detrimental effects of smacking children (or anyone). It should be lots of fun and I'm looking very much forward to it.

Update 27/2/07

Life is getting busier for us.

I have recommenced university, this time in my honours year (4th year), my final year before commencing post-graduate work. Lots of pressure, lots of work, and high expectations. But I feel excited. Today I sit through my first 4th year statistics class. I can't say I anticipate that with any enthusiasm, but it's a necessary part of the course, and it must be done!

We had a funny experience with Chanel a few days ago! She was at her swimming squad and was playing up a little bit. The trainer became a little frustrated and threatened her, "Chanel, if you don't do what you should be doing I'm going to make you swim 100m butterfly without flippers"!

Chanel grinned from ear to ear and called back, "Okay" and took off swimming butterfly! It's a long way for a 7 year-old but she did it, and was thrilled to be able to do it. The coach may consider swimming hard and alone to be a threat, but Chanel loves swimming. She will do anything to get a chance to dive into the water and give it everything she's got.

As I tucked Chanel in while she slept I noticed that she sleeps with a smile on her face. It's wonderful to say goodnight and know she's sleeping happy. Chanel is a gift and blessing in our home. I'm trying so hard to enjoy Chanel. At the age of 7 she clearly has some time to go in childhood, but in many ways, she's at the half-way mark. It's slipping away so blatantly and I feel helpless watching her grow, knowing I can't stop her growing and getting older. She is such a little angel, and Kylie and I don't want her to keep getting older because that means she's getting closer to being a big person and moving on with her life.

Abbie is still so little! She's nearly 4 and a half, and is the real character in our family. Abbie has more humour in her bones than the rest of the family combined. She walks around the house singing silly little songs she's learned at kindy, almost oblivious to the world.

A few days ago she had a play date with her little friend, Elissa Thayer. They played so naturally, so happily. That is their "work". That's the work of childhood, to play, be friends, and have fun. And I believe Abbie has mastered it.

And Ella, our baby. Ella was 3 last month, and boy, does she keep us busy. It seems that in the last week or so she is finally beginning to understand that we use the toilet 100% of the time, and not just 50% of the time. The other 50% she had been using the lounge room floor, our doona, her pants, the car and so on. But it's finally falling into place (pardon the pun). We hope it continues.

I went to kindy to pick Ella up last week. As I entered the playground I saw her at the far end. As her eyes met mine she yelled "Daddy" and raced to me with outstretched arms. She was nearly as excited to see me as I was to see her. It felt good. No, it felt wonderful. Ella is a joy. She tries us immensely, especially around bed time, but she is such a delight, and offers warmth, affection and eagerness to our home.


And Kylie, at 13 weeks pregnant, is still feeling pretty average. Most of the sickness is gone, but she still feels weak. The QLD heat isn't helping. But despite her weakness, her attitude is positive, and we love each other like crazy! We can't help thinking that our 4th child will be our last. It sounds so definite to say that, but between the needed emotional capacity to deal with the children, and the physical demands it's been placing on Kylie, we're not sure we could continue through more kids. Anyway, we'll get through number 4 first and enjoy that experience as best we can before we get too carried away with any more promises.

All in all, our family is blessed and each person contributes great happiness and joy to our home. And things are busy!

Reality checks and more miracles

What a week it's been!

I've had most of the week off as I "holiday" between summer semester and semester one, and as such, have had a little more down time than usual (although not much). This has meant I've been able to do a lot of reading.

Throughout this week, however, a few reality checks have come my way. On Friday afternoon Kylie and I went to the ultrasound clinic to see how our new baby is going. For the first time we saw our baby. For some time I've been excited to tell people that we're having a baby. Seeing the pictures made it really sink in though. We've got a living, growing human developing there. It's about 15cms long at the moment. And I'm going on the record as saying that I think it's a girl. By the way, our due date is August 29th.

I also had a reality check of a different sort that same day. Ella has been challenging Kylie and I in so many ways, and she showed us the worst of herself in the car. Unfortunately her dad wasn't much better. Despite the difficulty of the situation, it really showed how easy it is to make mistakes, and gave me opportunities to repent and restore relationships. It was a really important wake up call. Two in one day! Blessings.

Speaking of blessings, some weeks ago my wallet was lost. We were quite certain it was gone forever. It had several hundred dollars in it as well as everything else you would expect to have in it. We prayed, we searched, we backtracked, and we prayed some more. After a week of this we gave up. But two days ago as Kylie cleaned under the bed, she lifted out my wallet, full of everything it should have contained. It was such a blessing for us to have that!

Another blessing: I've received my confirmation that I'm accepted into honours year at uni. And the best news is that I've been allocated my first choice supervisor. Of all the faculty, she is the only one who was familiar with the work of Carol Dweck and the ideas surrounding mastery orientation as it applies to children and their responses to extrinsic motivational contingencies. So on Friday, to receive that letter was a great blessing.

Finally, last night was our stake swimming carnival. It was held at the Manly pool, which was quite a disappointment. Only one pool for the whole stake, and very little for the children, although there were some activities in one corner of the facility. Anyway, the kids wanted to swim a lot more than they got to, but perhaps next years will be at a better venue. I got to swim a couple of times, and really enjoyed it. I had a few close races and clearly suffered for lack of condition. But it felt so good to be back in the water. I love swimming, and it felt good to go for it. Although, I think I'm paying for it a little bit this morning.

Our lives are filled with miracles, and wonderful times as a family. And we're gearing up for a huge year! We're standing on the blocks and the whistle blows in about 5 days.

The Curse of the Self

In the past week I've completed a book entitled The Curse of the Self by psychologist Mark Leary.

The book is a challenging insight into why we have ego identity and whether being 'self-aware' is actually good for us. It questions the wisdom of the self-esteem movement, particularly querying whether we need self-esteem, and pointing out many of the issues we face in our lives as a result of possessing it.

All in all, a very challenging book. It is written for a lay audience (psychologically speaking), yet I still found it heavily academic. The subject matter can be tough to wade through at times, and superbly written and incredibly interesting at other times.

I really enjoyed the book overall and learned a lot. Most of what it teaches is philosophical in nature, although there are four very practically oriented keys at the end that describe how we can quiet our 'self' to lead a more balanced and objective life.

The Mormon Way of Doing Business

Now I know that with a title for a post like that any number of funny lines may come out. But I've just completed a book with that title about 8 multi-millionaires in the USA who all happen to be LDS. The book is a fascinating insight into what sets them apart from their contemporaries.

They don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or have tea or coffee. They refuse to work Sunday's (and rarely even Saturday's). They are fiercely loyal to their wives. And they have become successful by every standard we might measure them by.

It's a nice easy read that provides inspiration, insight, and fortification of faith. It makes anyone who reads it want to be a better spouse and parent. And it made me want to live what I believe more than ever.

You don't have to be religious or be in business to enjoy this book. It's more of a summary of how a group of extraordinarily successful leaders got there, and what they attribute it to. There's a brilliant chapter on family, and the climax that discusses the way they dealt with the Sept. 11 challenges is quite mindboggling.

Well worth a read. You'll get it from any bookstore on order for around $40 in hardback.

It's official!!!

We've been waiting for some time to tell you, but now we can.

WE"RE HAVING A BABY!!!

Kylie is about 13 weeks pregnant and we're expecting a son or daughter to be added to our family in late August 2007.

Everything is going well with the pregnancy. Kylie has been feeling very sick for a few weeks now and so we're hopeful that she's going to be coming out of the illness phase very soon.

So, it's time for a new car! We've started saving and I've been blessed with a new job that is likely to assist us greatly in acquiring one. Again we see tender mercies and divinely orchestrated timing. This new job allows more flexibility than I've had, and pays well so we can continue to pay for our home and save for a car while I'm finishing university.

We feel so blessed. Baby number 4! We're still working on names, although Kylie assures me if it's a girl her name will be Emilie. If it's a boy we're thinking of Christopher William (after his grandfathers) or Braden James (because we like it).

I'll post some ultrasound pic's soon.

David A. Bednar talk

I forgot to mention, if you would like to read the David A. Bednar talk you can click here and enjoy it. I would rate it as one of my all time favourites. So inspiring!

Well worth the ten or twelve minutes.