Receiving Answers to Prayer

“Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don't come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.”
― Jeffrey R. Holland

If we were to substitute ‘answers to prayer’ with the word ‘blessings’, then the quote above is the perfect description of the way my prayers have been answered in recent weeks.  

In early November I received a call from LDS Church Offices about a position available with LDS Family Services. I spent 20 minutes on the phone explaining why I wasn’t the appropriate candidate for the position and suggesting ways that they might find a suitable candidate, or ways the role might be crafted to be better-managed in future. I thought that was to be the end of it.

A few weeks later I received another call, this time from NZ LDS Family Services. An hour-long conversation ended with me feeling frustrated that they still wanted me to apply for the role as Director of LDS Family Services Sydney in spite of my obvious lack of suitable credentials. I reluctantly agreed to an interview.

One week after the phone call I had an informal conversation with the same NZ gentleman. I spent an hour and a half convincing him that I was not a suitable candidate for the role. He spent the same time arguing that I ought to apply for the role. I agreed to apply, wondering if that was what the Lord had in store for me. I also began praying for direction. Heaven was silent.

As my prayers increased in their intensity I was invited to Church Offices for a formal interview with a 5-member panel including Australia’s Church Offices General Manger, the HR Manager, the LDS Family Services Global Director (based in Utah), and a NZ bloke I don’t recall. So it was pretty big stuff for a guy who was uninterested and unqualified.

Over the course of a little more than a month I had gone from not wanting the job and not being willing to apply to wondering if it was the Lord’s will that I apply and accept a position that Family Services had pled with me to apply for. I was convinced the job was mine and I needed Heaven’s help in making a determination as to whether I should accept it. The offer was for a reasonable sum of money – certainly more than I’ve ever previously earned. The job would provide me with training and experience that I can’t get elsewhere. And the security of a real job with income, holidays, sick leave, and so on was appealing.

I found that I was able to talk myself into wanting the job if I focused on the positives. But there were many negatives. We would have to relocate to Sydney. We would need to give up on my business dreams. The role would not allow me to grow in the directions I’ve felt previously called to go, but would take my in a seemingly tangential direction.

The challenge of not knowing how to build my own business combined with the security of a job had me begging for answers from Heavenly Father in my prayers. No answers came.

I went through the interview and did the best I could. I didn’t do well. Someone as inappropriately qualified as me couldn’t have done well in the interview. Yet I was still convinced the role would be offered to me and I didn’t know what to do. “Father, should I take the job?” Nothing.

Some days after I was to have been told whether I was successful or not, I was praying when I received inspiration. “Justin, you’ll know when you need to know.” It wasn’t a voice, but it was a thought. Clear and concise. I felt immediately reassured.

A few hours later the phone rang. The HR manager apologetically confirmed that I was an unsuccessful applicant. Kylie was with me and heard the conversation. I was overjoyed. I felt pure delight and gratitude. Until that moment I hadn’t known what I should do. Then the real revelation came.

I hadn’t received an answer previously because I had no decision to make. I still had no decision to make – I didn’t get the job – but my prayer was answered. I knew, immediately, when I was rejected for the role that it was God’s will. I felt it in the depths of my soul. It was unquestionable and unmistakable. God didn’t want me to work for the Church in that role. He does want me to continue along the path I’ve been following the past decade.

I wanted to write about this answer to prayer because it can be too easy to forget the spiritual assurances that come from Heaven, and this one was so clear that I always want to remember it.

So, where to from here? Well, I left my role at the University of Wollongong in July 2012 and worked part time until December. Now I’m on my own, working to develop a business that will utilise my strengths and passions, and take my family and I forward in a way that blesses others and helps families. I have a lot of enthusiasm, something of a plan, enormous support from a lot of people, and some pretty handy qualifications. Oh, and most of all, I have a Heavenly endorsement to continue on this pathway – and that’s all that matters.

Catching up

The past six weeks have been busier than any I have possibly ever experienced. At the end of July I left my (almost) full-time employment with the University and began to work on my own business. It has been a challenging experience thus far.

My business revolves around my providing training and presentations to people – or it will once I start providing the training! My main emphasis is parenting training and personalised parenting coaching, but I’ve discovered quite quickly that this may not provide enough income for our family to survive on. While I’m running some wonderfully successful parenting workshops, they’re too small, too cheap, and too infrequent to earn a living. So now I’m developing a range of presentations to take into schools and corporations. I’m doing a lot of networking, going to a lot of meetings, and working on chasing all the best ideas I can.

In addition, my days are spent working on ideas for my website/s. The internet is the first place people go to learn about me and my online presence is not strong or professional enough, so changes are afoot here too – but the pace is slow and the price is high. Ouch.

So progress is slow but steady. The business is developing. People are interested in what I can offer – I just need to do more offering, which means I need to do more work on developing the offerings. I’m going as fast as I have strength, but there is a huge amount to be done.

My book went on sale in the first week of August. What Your Child Needs From You: Creating a Connected Family is now (I believe) on sale throughout Australia in all Dymocks bookstores. I’m getting some good quality publicity in the USA too, and I have been told we should sell out of our first print run. So I’m feeling pretty good about that! Unfortunately it’s not really a money-spinner. At a commission of $1.50 per book I’m going to have to sell a lot of them to get the kind of royalty cheque that would be sustaining.

During the three months of winter I’ve had a change of heart towards my church calling. I’ve been struggling with it and have been reluctant to participate in anything associated with it. But my attitude has shifted, my focus has lifted. Things are good and getting better at church.

I’ve stayed off the bicycle for most of winter. My emphasis on the business has been the central driver of that decision, although the cold weather has made staying indoors the more enticing option as well. In the past week or two, as Spring has ‘sprung’, I’ve ventured out again only to discover that the fitness base I had is substantially diminished. It’s hard work getting started again, but this week I’ll get three rides in at around 200km total and I can feel some improvement coming back. It’s nice to be on the bike in the warmer weather again.

I’m still working casually at the uni although I’d say another 4-6 weeks and that work will be entirely gone. I don’t think I’ll miss it. I still have to force myself to go in there. And this week I’m marking undergraduate essays which is possibly the most unenjoyable thing I’ve ever done. I am grateful for the work and the way it sustains us, but (so long as we can survive without it) I won’t miss it once it’s gone. Especially the marking. I guess the question is how long can I live without it once it’s gone?

IN the past six weeks our family has had the typical ups and downs of family life. The kids are generally great, although they are trying. On Thursday of this week Ella was almost hit by a car while riding her bike. Her knowledge of the road rules is good. Her application of that knowledge is lacking somewhat. At only 8 years of age, this has been a reminder that we need to be more vigilant than we have been.

Abbie participated in the regional spelling bee competition on Friday as her school’s representative after 

having successfully spelled all her words correctly at her school contest (as did Ella, but she’s too young to go to the next level). Abbie came second out of 40 students from 20 or more local schools. We were very excited to see how well she did.

Annie turned five a few weeks ago and is still delightful, although she has begun being harder to handle than she used to be, and “I hate you” is becoming an all-too-consistent part of her vocabulary towards her sisters. 

And Lilli is more delightful than ever. She is not quite two and a half years old now, has completely toilet-trained herself, and has just had three dry nights out of the past four! She loves to go to sleep cuddling her favourite books, and is simply cute beyond words. Each day she insists that if she is having a sleep, everyone who is in the house must lay down as well or she won’t. Her cuddles are honest and her smile is amazing.

And Chanel... well, Chanel is probably our most challenging child. We have high expectations of her, probably because she’s our eldest. But she gets more privileges, does more things, and has more opportunities than the other children. She tests us consistently, pushes us endlessly, and makes us proud 95% of the time. But that other 5%... wow. We’re working on things though, and think that things are definitely getting better.

Yesterday (Saturday) we got as close to ‘getting it right’ as we have in a long time. A couple of hours of cleaning, a trip to the beach with the kids, the boogie boards, and the dog, and a delicious lunch together made for a great morning. Then I spent four hours at the chapel clearing vines away, and we had a fun night together. I like days like that.

Today – Sunday. I really enjoy Sundays. Today was even more special because the children were in their Primary Presentation at church. It was our first year that Chanel wasn’t in it. She’s done seven, but is now too old. Felt a little strange, but the other kids were fantastic. We watch them with so much pleasure, satisfaction, and gratitude. Mum visited to see their presentation (and brought Jet and Teanu). And then, for the first time in as long as I can recall, we had a quiet Sunday afternoon. feel grateful for an amazing life.

Giving Nan her book

Reading my First Book to Nan

Showing Nan the 'dedication' - For Nanna Bunt

Reading the first page of the book to Nan

Pop, Mum, Nan, and Annie and I holding up the trophy!

Graduation Day Photos

Graduation Day, July 2012

 

 

Graduation

Wow. What a week! The pain of going to work at a job that leaves me unfulfilled is gone. Well, not altogether gone, but I’m finished my contract at work and I’ll only be doing casual work at around 10 hours per week from this point on. Not enough to live on... but I’ll worry about that later. Right now I’m looking to the future. But a quick summary of last week for you now.

Monday I groaned my way through another day at work. And again Tuesday. An email provided relief on Tuesday afternoon. The owners of a website I write for have been bought out by News Corp, one of the largest news providers on the PLANET! They run news.com.au and are looking to incorporate new parenting material on their website. Since the people I write for are now under the ‘News’ umbrella, they suggested me. It seems that they like what I offer and there may be opportunities forthcoming. I don’t know what yet, but it was exciting to hear about. Furthermore, they offered to buy all of my online content to populate their new site. The money was paltry, so we’re discussing it a little more. I’m hoping we’ll get a positive outcome, and look forward to more exciting opportunities at a nationwide level.

Wednesday provided some relief from the university office. I spent the day visiting web developers looking for ways to create an online presence that will help me generate income with my skills and products. The conversations were exciting. The quotes and discussions about money were dispiriting. I’m going to spend more than I want to. I have more conversations planned to find the best person to help me. Wednesday night I had a meeting at church to discuss ways I can be more effective in the role that I have. I was motivated, I made some changes, and now I’m hoping that things will improve.

Thursday was a great day for me. While my PhD was completed last September or October and my degree was conferred in January of this year, I had not attended a graduation ceremony. So on Thursday July 19, 2012, I visited the stage of the University of Wollongong in the robes and funny hat to experience the ceremonial component of my graduation. Mum and Dad came along. Kylie was feeling terribly sick with a cold. I told her to stay in bed, secretly wishing she would be there anyway... and she was. Kylie looked beautiful. We sat through 90 minutes of conferrals of degrees, and then I took my turn. For the first time, it felt complete. I have been a doctor for the best part of a year, but on Thursday afternoon at around 4pm I FELT like a doctor. I feel ready for the next stage of our lives.

Since 2003 when I left B105 and walked away from the radio industry I have been leaning on various people and things for support. I haven’t felt sure of anything except that I had a long road in front of me. I’ve felt like I’m not quite ‘there’ – wherever there is. In the days since my graduation ceremony I feel more purposeful. I feel more confident and hopeful. I feel certain. I have ‘a work’ to do. I know it and I am ready and motivated to do it. Perhaps that’s the key word. I am ready. I haven’t felt that since I was back in radio. But now I feel it. I feel ready. I like the feeling.

Friday was my final day in the office. I left with no regrets. While there were days where my productivity sagged, I persisted with a job that was a psychological struggle to the final day and did all that was asked of me. My boss assured me of his gratitude and asked me to please stay close by as there is plenty more work if I want it. I didn’t tell him I don’t want it... I hope I don’t need it, but I appreciate his kindness and his offer. It’s comforting to know it’s there if I need it.

I arrived home Friday afternoon and a surprise was waiting for me. My book had arrived from the publisher! It looks terrific and I’m genuinely delighted with it. I had a small handful of copies allocated to me at no charge. I immediately rang Nanna Bunt. I dedicated the book to her and wanted her to receive the first copy. I rang mum as well and she definitely wanted to be there for it. Kylie and I drove to Auburn and surprised Nan. She didn’t know that was why we were dropping in, and I think we gave her a great surprise.

Saturday we spent the day with our good friends from Canberra, the Thayers. They’re some of our favourite people. We talked most of the day while the children played. Sunday for the first time in a long time I relaxed and really enjoyed church. It was good to be there. The children were exceptional. Classes were inspiring. I left feeling uplifted. Sunday afternoon I visited several families from church, and Sunday night I attended a meeting an hour away in Campbelltown, so it was a full day. Now, as I prepare for a new start to the week I am full of anticipation. Our new lives begin as soon as I wake up!

Impatience

This update was commenced three weeks ago. Time got away and I’m only just finishing it now. So it starts with our Sunday night, June 3^rd and continues through until now.

I remember last week’s roast dinner and peach crumble all too well. Sunday night (June 3^rd) after I went to bed feeling that the world couldn’t be a better place – well, things began to turn sour. I awoke shortly after 1am and was as violently ill as I can remember being. I spent the entire first day of the week entombed in my bedroom, fasting and trying to recover from the bug that made me feel so bad.

Tuesday I forced myself to go to work, a particularly noble feat given my lack of enthusiasm for what I’m doing. I was miserable and should have stayed home.

Wednesday was the highlight of my week. I had two business meetings in Sydney. My first meeting led to a tentative proposal for me to add value to a business that specialises in happiness. They focus on individual and organisational happiness, but not on family happiness and wellbeing. I thought they might be interested in how I could make a difference. The meeting was positive, and now it’s time to see if we can agree on the finer points of an arrangement that will hopefully be good for both of us. I also met with someone who is highly successful at taking training programs to major organisations. After 30 minutes with me I realised just how much work is involved, got a great deal of direction, and began to question if that specific strategy is what I really want to be involved in. The money is substantial, but the business itself is less appealing to me.

Wednesday night after I returned from Sydney Kylie showed me how she had spent her day. Hours of careful attention with needle and thread have led to the creation of beautiful dolls, cushions, and bedroom accessories for the girls’ rooms. Kylie is slowly making our house into a personalised haven for our children. (And I’m starting to feel pressure to paint the place!)

Thursday I tried out my body by going for an early ride. My body was unhappy with me. I came home early and decided to have a little more rest before I get too active. Monday’s illness hit me harder than I thought. I spent another day at work dreaming of the parenting business I’m about to be running. My enthusiasm for the latter and my apathy toward the latter is a gulf too wide to describe. My heart and mind have already left the office despite the fact that my contract doesn’t end until late July.

Friday was quiet, with a family walk on the beach in the afternoon the clear highlight. The weekend was uneventful and less inspiring than I would have hoped.

The fortnight since that time has been a blur. Another couple of days off work due to “illness”... I think I’m sick of work! Some positives have included that I’ve done a handful of media interviews about various things parenting-related. I’ve ridden my bike a little more than I should have. And I’ve become increasingly frustrated with the time I spend at work that competes with my growing desire to be in business for myself. It’s a recurrent theme.

I’m now writing a LOT for various people who print magazines and blogs, both online and offline. It’s great for raising my profile but not so great when it comes to raising capital. I write for free. But I’m mixing with good company and I’m consistently making small but certain progress.

As for the family, we are thrilled with Chanel and her school performance. Chanel turns 13 in October – nearly a teenager. Her half-yearly report was full of plaudits from teachers, and a stream of A’s. We’ve let Chanel know that our expectations have increased for her school work now that she’s in high school and her response has been excellent. We’re delighted with how well she is going. She is making good choices in her studies. Her social choices are also improving, in spite of some challenging situations. Chanel has a mature head and we are proud of her.

Abbie is as delightful as ever. I don’t think we ever have a problem with Abbie. Abbie turns 10 the same day Chanel turns 13. She is the easiest child I’ve ever known. While she has a stubborn streak, it rarely surfaces. She is a willing helper, conscientious student, and simply a treasure.

Ella and Abbie share their room, and they share a love of reading. Their heads are always in books. But that’s about all they share. Ella is a literal typhoon. We always know Ella’s around because of her energy. She is either screaming her head off or laughing her head off. We live in a world of extremes around Miss Ella. Ella is known to disappear to any one of a handful of friends’ homes as soon as chores are divvied out. We spend a lot of time calling out “Ella” and wondering where she’s gone. Oh, and Ella has an appetite as big as mine. It’s amazing to watch this 8 year-old eat more food than anyone else at the table. We see unparalleled enthusiasm and energy in that girl.

Annie is potentially the happiest child we know. She loves to laugh and play. This afternoon Annie, who is five in August, went into the toy room for two hours on her own and played. She sang made-up nonsense songs to herself, played with toys and dolls, and amused herself the entire time and was as happy as can be. This morning I rang Nanna Bunt and let her listen in as I did “Round and round the garden” and “This little piggy” on Annie’s hands and feet. It was ten minutes of rapturous giggling from Annie as she finished my sentences and I feigned annoyance and told her that ‘now I have to start all over again.’ 

Lilli is a couple of months past two. She hates wearing clothes. It’s the middle of winter but all she wants to do is undress. She is entirely potty trained so long as she’s naked, but with clothes or a nappy the potty may as well not exist. Lilli lives in a relatively quiet world. She’s picking up words, but quite slowly. She is beautifully soft and loves cuddles. In fact, I’ve determined that there really is no cuddle as good as a cuddle from little kids. I love cuddles from Annie and Lilli more than any cuddles from anyone. There’s something so pure and perfect about cuddles from little children that is different to any other cuddle. So I’m getting as many as I can before they get too big.

Kylie continues to amaze me. Her workload is substantial with her Church calling, five children, the house, and ME! To keep this place clean, stay on top of the washing, serve so many people who are needy, and still be supportive of me is a ridiculous workload. When I try it for a night or two I struggle. I don’t know how Kylie does it day in and day out.

So that’s about it for now. Today we had a beautiful start to the day. Church was ok until priesthood, and then it was exceptional. We discussed a great talk about mercy by President Uchtdorf. Super lesson. This afternoon we had a house full of missionaries, investigators, and friends. We ate Kylie’s treats (melting moments and chocolate caramel slice). Our home teachers visited, and then we ate roast chicken and vegetables. So while I’m not quite where I want to be, we’re getting closer, slowly. And I still have plenty to be grateful for.

Rejoicing - Even though it's old-fashioned

It’s miraculous the way blessings from heaven continue to manifest themselves into our lives. This week we’ve had more than we deserve, so we accept them gratefully and try to be worthy of them.

But before I touch on our highlights, we were delighted to see my little brother and his wife, Tim and Kesh, bring their first baby into their family. They had a baby boy after experiencing all of the pain, longsuffering, emotion, and anticipation that over 24 hours of labor produces. I rejoiced (sounds old fashioned but it’s the best way to describe how it felt) with Tim as we spoke of the sacred sacrifice a mother makes through childbirth. With no words to describe it, we knew exactly how the other felt. And we remain in awe at the awesomeness of our wives and their love for us and our children. I love seeing my little brother have these experiences. 

In light of Tim’s news, my week was generally quiet. I didn’t mention it, but two Sundays ago after Church I spent 90 minutes with one of the men who felt he was never going to be good enough to get to heaven. I spent time searching the scriptures with him, teaching him the doctrine of Christ, and the ‘Good News’ of the Gospel. Kylie quietly waited with the kids. As we wrapped things up I feared that my time was poorly spent. He seemed dejected, unmoved, and unresponsive. Last week he approached me and thanked me. He looked different, and he assured me he felt different. He felt his life was improving because of the gift of repentance.

Monday and Tuesday were quiet. We re-emphasised kindness and respect as family principles in family home evening. The children (and Kylie and I) have been struggling in these areas lately. Wednesday I spent the day marking. I received a midday phone call from a tv station and spent the afternoon preparing myself for ‘The Project’ that evening. After an afternoon of preparation I arrived for the interview and found out they’d changed the questions! I had about 12 minutes to get my head around the changes. The interview went well. National television offers opportunities to build my profile that money can’t buy. A quick aside – I invited the kids to come with me. Ella jumped at the chance, Abbie was playing with friends, and Chanel knocked me back immediately because she was going to spend time with the elderly couple who she’s been visiting each Wednesday for a few months. She is blessing their lives, and would rather go to be with them and play board games and chat than do the whole tv thing with me! I’m proud of this exceptional girl.

Wednesday I also booked in a job to be the ‘expert’ at a media briefing from a technology company about their latest research about children and the Internet. I felt as though I might be making progress with my business. And I was interviewed by a Brisbane newspaper about parenting issues as well. The news got better when I received another booking (for October) on Thursday. Blessings! And on Wednesday night my friend (who is rebuilding my website for free) put the new template online and it went live. Such a big difference. It looks vastly improved and I’m so grateful for his willingness to help me.

Thursday I rode a personal best on Macquarie Pass (27.01 for 7.7kms), suffered my way through another day at the office (I’m grateful for the job, but I still don’t like it), before taking the family to Nowra (1 hour away) to visit Tim, Kesh, and their as yet unnamed little boy. Abbie (aged 9) made me feel inferior by commenting that Tim had a son who would continue the Coulson name into the next generation, while I’d had five goes at it and was still unable to produce a successor. Ouch. Lucky I love her to death! We marvelled at the miracle of a newborn. We already love the little guy and can’t wait to watch him grow.

Friday was more banality at work. I rode home to enjoy a BBQ with Karina and Richie (and the 6 cousins) who were down from Gosford to visit Tim, Kesh, and the baby. We had a great night. Then I was interviewed by radio 2UE about parenting and sleepovers.

Saturday Kylie and I dealt with diarrhoea and vomit. Lilli was sick. In fact, during the night I had woken up to Lilli crying. After a moment I realised she was in the corridor. I heard her fall and dashed out of bed to be sure she wasn’t near the stairs. As I picked her up I felt something wet against my skin. Then I smelt it. Ewww. It was her already digested dinner, coming back up for another peak at the world, all over her front and mine. It was through her bed, on her floor... Kylie was kind enough to rise from her slumber to assist me.

We had a fitful sleep as we dealt with Lilli’s stomach bug, nappies, and crying. I left at 7.30 for a Church bike ride. A handful of men showed up, braving the threatening skies, and we rode 30kms together. The ride was enjoyed by all except me... it took more than twice the time I would normally take to do the ride. But it was about bonding more than bike riding, so as I watched my day disappear, I thought of the greater purpose and reasons for the ride and continued. The rest of Saturday was spent marking. Hmpf. I’ll be glad when I never have to mark another paper. (Chanel spent the day walking the neighbourhood earning money from the neighbours for odd jobs. She’s saving to go to Korea next year, and the way she’s going I think she’ll make it.)

Sunday we woke to two sick kids. Annie and Lilli were both doing poorly. I took Chanel, Abbie, and Ella to church while Kylie stayed home to nurse the babies. I had an interview with a member of our new Stake Presidency. He listened more than he spoke. It was a nice change... and I probably said too much as a result. Our sacrament meeting was uplifting with some inspiring testimonies shared. All three girls took separate opportunities to walk to the stand. I don’t encourage the kids to share their ‘testimonies’ but I don’t discourage it either. Each spoke thoughtfully, avoided the standard clichés so common when children share a testimony, and made me deeply grateful.

I taught the men about how God changes our hearts. Membership in God’s church is about more than whether our name is on the church records. It’s about our faithful and repentant hearts (D&C 10:37). We talked about mighty changes, incremental changes, the challenge to maintain our changes, and the need for repentance and Godly sorry. It felt good and right. I received unexpected gratitude from almost all of the class members.

Our afternoon was spent planning our week, planning our family holiday to Brisbane at the start of July, and preparing a fabulous roast dinner. Our evening was spent eating the dinner, plus extra helpings of Kylie’s peach crumble with custard and cream. With a week as good as that, we can’t wait for what’s in store this week.