Depletion

The past four weeks have left me time-poor and exhausted. My days have vanished breathlessly fast and I have found myself consistently pushed for time at every turn. Priorities are pounding on the creaky door of my capabilities faster and harder than I have time to process them. The never-ending rush of commitments, appointments, tasks, and family duties is leaving me depleted to an extent that I am not sure I’ve experienced before.

The last time I wrote I had just experienced a positive time in Melbourne. Since then progress at uni has been slow but sure. My ethics application is awaiting approval so that I can commence my next study. This should begin in the coming week or two. I am working on some more writing which I hope to finalise in draft form later this week. I received a surprise phone call some weeks ago regarding my work. The university offers a “commercialisation” programme for students whose research offers opportunities for entrepreneurial ideas. I had applied in 2009 and was shortlisted. As it turned out there was no space for me last year, but this year I was accepted to the programme. It means that I’m flying to the Gold Coast for a two day (all expenses paid) conference at the end of this week! I was also offered a scholarship to complete four courses associated with the programme. I took it on, but after just two weeks realised that it would simply not be possible for me to maintain such a workload. Trying to study law and finance at the same time as I complete my PhD, tutor 200 students, administer a subject, have a fifth baby, and renovate a home is simply foolish. So we waved goodbye to the money but regained a semblance of balance for a brief moment.

In the past four weeks our plans have been in at council awaiting approval. We’ve just received it and are allowed to commence work at our home. Now we’re just awaiting quotes from tradespeople and praying that we’ll be able to afford all the work that we have planned to do! We are excited to begin and hope to see some walls knocked down in the coming fortnight.

Kylie is now only 34 days away from the expected delivery date (April 18th). We are excited but very nervous. Fatigue and discomfort are our enemies and Kylie’s ability to do what our family requires of her is greatly diminished. As a result I am trying to do more but with less time and capacity than I would like due to my increased load at uni. It’s a challenging time. With the busy-ness we are feeling increasingly depleted, and it’s starting to rub off in family life. The children seem to be sensing that we are tired and try to get out of responsibilities. Their attitude and lack of contribution only add to the workload we carry. When Kylie has the baby I will take a couple of weeks off work and be around a great deal more. We are looking forward to the extra focus we’ll have at home during this period and anticipate greater order.

We have been trying to have a weekly date. Our success has been haphazard at best. But we continue to try. We love being together, perhaps more than anything else. Kylie is my favourite person to be with. Last week we ate Chickos for lunch in the park. I love Chickos. But the week before was amazing – prawn and mushroom fettucine. Yum! No date this week because I’m off to the Gold Coast, but I’m sure next week will work out fine.

Last Saturday I rode in a 12 hour endurance race. I was in a mixed team of four riders. It was held at Penrith and was a great day out, although I felt more than a little guilty for leaving my family behind. I was pleased when our team won the NSW championship Gold Medal for riding further than any other mixed team on the day – a distance of around 430kms in the allotted time.

A brief review of what the children are up to, and then I’m off to bed.

Chanel is thriving in all aspects. She loves her school, has many friends, and is doing well with her swimming and cycling. We would dearly love to introduce her to the piano. Her interest is high. But student budgets will only go so far. She certainly produces significantly challenging “attitude” at times, but for the most part Chanel is an amazing little contributor in our home. She works with Kylie or I every day at the cleaning contact we’ve taken on to help keep things going. (Centrelink have made two years worth of errors in our payments and over-payed us approximately $200 p/w. We’ve now lost that money and use the contract work to make up for what we no longer receive). This is helping her save her money very well. She’s growing into an articulate girl.

Abbie is improving all the time with her swimming and recently went up one more class level. She is developing beautifully with her piano work and loves tinkling the keys. Her teacher is pleased with her progress. Abbie is our little angel in so many ways. She has a stubborn streak though, and can be particularly difficult, if not impossible, to get moving in the mornings. She simply drifts off into her fairyland and forgets that we have a household to run!

Ella… I was reading over some past entries I’ve made with reference to Ella and it’s amazing how nothing really changes. This is the cutest little 6 year-old girl with the wickedest sense of humour. She genuinely charms and delights everyone around her with her unique take on things and her disarming character. Yet she has such boundless energy and such a free spirit that we can hardly keep tabs on her. She’s constantly sneaking out of the house to visit friends in the neighbourhood. She refuses to walk to school with her sisters, preferring to be independent (after all, she’s been in kindergarten for 6 weeks now!) Ella hates going to sleep and demands attention for long periods each night. Yet we look at her and smile with satisfaction and love as we consider her special soft heart, her desire to make good choices, and the fact that she is genuinely guileless. Ella is such a special child to us.

Annie seems to have declared war on Kylie and I. As with most children at around 30 months, Annie must have what Annie wants. That means three things – hard work for us, lots of flexibility, and seemingly endless screaming. We are doing what we can for her, but our angelic Annie has been doing all she can to assert herself as no longer being a baby. Yet Annie is beautifully affectionate, loves cuddles, must say EVERY prayer, and still delights us daily – even hourly.

We sweat and strain and stress over our children. We agonise over our choices. We know we make mistakes, and we know we get things right as well. We wonder, like most parents, if we really make a difference. We chastise and correct, we reprimand and rejoice. We read, clean, pick up, iron, wash, pick up, help, drive them, spend money on them, pick up, and so much more. We tire ourselves out in their service. We wish we could take back so many moments where our choices were not what we would have liked them to be. But regardless, we keep trying, and we will keep on trying – because we love them. We take such joy in seeing them grow. They matter most.

Tonight we taught a class to around ten young single adults, and older singles as well. We taught about standards, dating, and the law of chastity. We used Listerine and fruit juice to demonstrate that things should be done in the right order. The fruit juice first tasted sweet, and fresh on the palate. The Listerine followed and everything worked fine. But when we had a volunteer have the Listerine first, then the fruit juice the experience was less pleasant. It was an effective object lesson. We love teaching Gospel principles, and the people in the class seemed to appreciate our efforts and hopefully left feeling enriched.

My five minute update has gone on much longer than I anticipated, and I have completely overdone it. Must rest. So tired.