Changing the Way Things Work

In recent weeks I’ve become increasingly negative, and even frustrated. I’ve blamed it on any number of things – including overwork, tiredness, too many children, a pregnant wife – but never myself. Over the weekend last week I was honest with myself and acknowledged that perhaps my growing dissatisfaction is related to my inability to get things done with my PhD. It’s not that I haven’t wanted to do it. I’ve just gotten bored with it. My procrastination efforts have been refined and improved, while my study habits have become diminished and broken. The flow-on effect into the rest of my life has been readily apparent to family, friends, and my Internet Service Provider (which measures that my Internet usage – read procrastination – has increased significantly).

It’s amazing what a fresh view of things will do. I spent some time repenting with my family. I made some resolutions. I prayed for help. Then on Monday I arrived at work and announced to everyone in the office that if they so much as saw me involved in ANY activity not directly related to my PhD or my teaching commitments, I not only wanted them to, but expected that they would sneak up on me and cuff me across the back of the head or throw balls of paper at me! Heck, they could even yell at me if they wanted to! This promoted a festive atmosphere as my colleagues thrilled at the opportunity to be physically violent towards me. I never knew I was so disliked!

Throughout the week I have been more productive than I can remember at virtually any stage of my PhD. I’ve been yelled at (and apologised to when they realised I was actually doing what I should be), had things thrown at me (despite doing the right thing), and generally been accosted continually throughout the week – and the added accountability has been wonderful for me. It also seems to have lifted the feeling in the office. We’re all having a great time and getting more done. I feel grateful to experience progress again. This time the positive flow-on has been noticed. It feels good for all of us.

Monday I wrote lots at uni. That evening we enjoyed our Family Night as usual. We put on some music (Boom Crash Opera – The Best Thing) and the children did an Easter Hat Parade, showing me what I’d missed from their school performance earlier in the day. They were enthusiastic as they paraded in the lounge room, and we had a great night playing, and then discussing the meaning of Easter as the children decorated bags for the Easter Bunny to deposit chocolate offerings into.



Tuesday morning I was awake 90 minutes before the alarm. I’d rather sleep longer, but not sleeping through the night seems to be happening more and more as I get older. I tried to sleep but couldn’t. I then spent some time cuddling Kylie’s tummy and feeling our new baby moving inside her. It’s such an awesome experience. This baby has been extremely quiet compared to our previous babies, so detecting any movement is a real treat. I lay in bed and savoured the experience, hoping slumber might descend on me again. Sleep was determined not to be my companion though, so I chose to spend the time reflecting on blessings, reading a little, and then hopped on my bike on the back deck (on the rollers) for some light training. My knee still felt ginger.
I was productive, writing all day at uni as well as squeezing in some teaching. I had a class of 140 first year students. We discussed the psychology of obedience and how unequal power relationships have enormous potential for misuse and abuse of power. Given the right circumstances (or wrong circumstances as the case may be), most people will obey an authority figure even when the command requires contravention of moral boundaries. It takes courage to disobey authority, but not all authority should be obeyed. It was a heavy lecture, and draining. But the students were absorbed. Young Men’s was anti-climactic, with the three boys attending but not really getting involved.

Wednesday I was at uni by 6.30am. I worked flat out through the morning. An overdue haircut and visit to the physiotherapist about my knee took up my mid-day. The hairdresser made a meal of my head… not impressed. And the physiotherapist had bad news for me. I have already had two weeks off the bike, and now it’s another two while my leg improves. My ITB (the band that runs down the outside of my leg) is torn and needing work. I have lots of stretching and rehabilitation to do on it. It hurts to do the work that the physio set for me, but it’s necessary if I want to ride well. It also appears that my knee reconstruction from 12 years ago may be the cause. While there I also did some strength tests. It appears that I have a lot of room for improvement there too. My fitness might be good, but my strength leaves me a long way from ideal. I’ve barely been able to walk since the visit because my calves have been so sore! But I keep telling myself it’s a “good” sore. I left the physiotherapist with my wallet feeling a little too light. I hate spending money on these kinds of things, but I need to get my knee feeling good again. I came across a funny quote too, but it’s not very deep; “Friendship is a lot like wetting your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.” Sorry about that… couldn’t resist including it.

Wednesday evening Chanel was in tears, complaining of a sore stomach. We were concerned that she might have appendicitis. Kylie stayed with her at the hospital. After tests, waiting, nurses, doctors, waiting, interns, more waiting, more tests, Chanel being sick, more tests, then more waiting, I picked them up at 3am! They spent nine hours in the hospital to be told Chanel had a bowel issue. The issue resolved itself the following day. But the evening left Kylie and Chanel exhausted. So on the final day of school for term one, all the children stayed home.

Thursday morning I had a great job to do, teaching the Clinical Masters students about positive psychology interventions. We spoke for three hours about different ways that they could use the findings from positive psychology to help their clients’ mental health outcomes. We talked about optimism, gratitude, goals, nurturing relationships, forgiving, and savouring. It was so much fun. I’d love to be paid to teach people great things that can improve lives. I took an early mark and left shortly after lunch. Teaching was done and a long weekend was beckoning.

Friday morning was spent cleaning the car (first time in around 2 months) and house (first time in twelve hours – it’s never ending) in preparation for visitors. A friend from church, Cherie, and her (non-member) husband Gino were coming for a BBQ lunch. Gino has offered to do our electrical work and we wanted to talk with him about it. The job is big. We already knew that and tried to warn him. He thought it would be fine, but upon inspection he seemed a little concerned that he had underestimated the magnitude of his offer. We’re working on a way to make it more worthwhile for him.

Mum and Dad also came for a visit, and brought Karina’s four eldest with them: Jaxson, Paris, Phoenix, and Logan. We had anticipated that we would go to Gosford this weekend but this was too much for Kylie so the folks came to us. We ate steak, sausages, fish, salad, and sweets, and the children swam in the pool and played in the neighbourhood. It was a terrific day. A bit of birth-coaching from mum provided a refresher for Kylie and I. Then they were gone. Our house was quiet again with only the noise of our four children for company! That was enough.

Saturday morning we had little to do, so we had a quiet time around the house. Bike racing is over for Friday nights now that it’s so cold. Saturday afternoon races are back on. I can’t ride, as I mentioned earlier, but I went to the bike race with Chanel. She wasn’t enthusiastic about riding but given the amount of money we’ve spent on her bike riding, I applied a small amount of pressure and she agreed to ride. As we drove to the circuit the skies looked threatening. I had my first experience controlling traffic since I’m now a qualified traffic controller. And Chanel rode. Unfortunately Chanel was the only junior rider, and the skies poured torrentially about five minutes after her ride commenced. Her 9km ride was all she wanted to do, and she shivered at the clubhouse while I completed my marshalling duties. Our evening was simple and quiet, and we liked it like that.

At Saturday dinner I put on my new favourite CD - Cafe Cubano - and Chanel rolled her eyes and said, "Oh man, this is one of those CD's that should say 'wrong region!'" She made me laugh. And all the kids LOVE those building blocks!



Sunday morning brought with it an Easter Egg hunt – modest in size – but full of thrill from the children, and another trip to the hospital. Doctors aren’t open on Easter Sunday and Abbie had an earache. She had been complaining about it for several days but with the long weekend it was crazy to try and get to a doctor. We waited 90 minutes and saw a doctor who confirmed that Abbie had a tear in her eardrum and was on the road to recovery. No need for medicine, and all thing considered, a short wait on a busy weekend.

Church was uplifting. I was grateful that we celebrate Easter every week in our home, just usually without the chocolate. It felt good to share my gratitude and faith in the restoration and the atonement. I built a relationship with someone who’s struggling with his faith after joining the church a little over a month ago. And then I taught the Young Men about obedience. A quiet Sunday afternoon was a joy, with all children having a sleep, Kylie resting, and me preparing dinner. We’re getting better at saying “No” to things, and I love the extra time it’s giving us. It feels great.

Sunday night – more reasons to be grateful… roast chicken, potato, vegetables, and Kylie’s special gravy with family surrounding our table. This is the best time of my life.