This week has been one of blessings and insight, and some
tidying up of loose ends. Monday I walked outside to our pool and saw that it
was clear and clean for the first time in a year. We’ve paid someone to
maintain the pool for us and they clearly know more about things than I do. The
weather may have been cold and wet, but our pool is clean and we’ve given it a
workout this week. Now that I’m not maintaining it, the pool has become a joy
again. Monday evening we talked about Jesus’ question, “Which is harder, to say
rise up and walk, or to forgive sins” (that’s paraphrased). I got a lot out of
it, although I’m not sure the children did.
On Sunday last week I had a small confrontation with one of
the men at church that I have felt longstanding enmity toward – enmity that has
been reciprocal for close to four years. In our lesson last week he was
troublesome again, and brought conflict into the class. I felt uncomfortable in
my response, and in the way the class went. I prayed about it for two days, and
after counselling with a trusted friend, decided that I would visit him at his
home. Tuesday night after work I took some of Kylie’s home-made “melting moment”
cookies and drove the 30 minutes to his home. I knocked on the door and he
called to me from the bathroom, telling me to go away and he wasn’t interested
in buying anything. I responded by introducing myself. He was bathing. I
returned 15 minutes later.
He was surprised to see me and wanted to know why I was
visiting. I quietly and kindly explained that I felt awful about our conflict,
not just from Sunday but our ongoing relationship. I confirmed that I had no
agenda except that I hoped that we might determine a way forward. I met his
attempts to dredge up past hurts with patience, and then acknowledged that we
had both made mistakes and reiterated my focus on moving forward positively and
united. Two hours later I left his home lighter. I felt grateful for answers to
prayer and inspired friends. I was also grateful for an understanding wife.
Wednesday I was up at 5am, talking on the phone to my mentor
and friend, Wally Goddard, in Little Rock, Arkansas. He is struggling with
medical issues and we have been concerned for him. In spite of the discomfort
and lack of certainty he faces, he had me laughing in seconds (despite the
early hour). I appreciate his example of faith, kindness, and humour. We
discussed the decisions I am making about my future. It was a highlight of my
week. In the past two weeks I have spoken with two trusted friends about these
career decisions. Both have counselled the same thing. As they have done so I
have felt my whole soul saying an emphatic “no” to their wisdom. I find this
confusing because I value their input and don’t know that I trust the feelings
I’m having. I need to pray more.
After my phone call to Wally, I was on the train to Sydney
for the two hour commute in order to attend meetings for the World Congress of
Families. This volunteer role is taking a lot out of me. I finished the
Biography of Thomas S. Monson. I really enjoyed it, found it faith promoting,
and moderately insightful – far better than the Hinckley biography. It
contained too many ‘motherhood’ type statements and I felt it patronised the
reader at times. I would also have liked more detail in understanding President
Monson’s thoughts and opinions on various issues. The sanitised account fails
to clearly articulate who he really is aside inside his head and what he really
thinks about some things. However, these are minor quibbles and I would give
the book 4 out of 5. I loved it. I wish I could say the same for the new
Gottman book, the science of trust. I’m now 100 pages into it and am
struggling. 70 pages on game theory is hurting my head – and my motivation to
continue.
Thursday I received exciting news from my publisher. My book,
“What your Child needs from you”, has a release date of August 1. Fine editing
begins in the coming week, and by the end of the month I suspect we will be finished
that process. Additionally, they discovered Tim’s photography blog and fell in
love with it. They would like one of Tim’s photos to be the cover of the book.
I’m excited to be able to share this work with Tim. He captures families
beautifully, and I think his photography will only add to the quality and
marketability of the book.
I have been writing regular “ask the expert” spots for
kidspot.com.au. It’s a popular parenting website (over 1 million hits p/month).
As I wrote my piece for them this week I realised that it shared parallels with
my own life. Parents are consistently looking for an easy answer, a quick-fix,
to help them deal with a challenge or issue. No one wants to be told, “it is normal
to struggle with this. Keep it up. Be patient and persistent. In time it will
slowly be overcome.” Instead we want immediate answers, dramatic results, and
instant change.
But as I have contemplated parenting, and the answers I seek in
my own life generally, I have recognised that there are very few ‘instant’
solutions to our difficulties. They require determination, a vision, and a
willingness to faithfully and persistently chip away at something very large. I
think I will focus on patience more in my responses to people who want me to
give them answers. And I think I will stop looking for quick-fixes in my own
life.
Friday night Kylie had a night out with her girlfriends. She
watched “the help” and enjoyed it. I stayed home, put the children to bed, and
watched Mission Impossible 3. I enjoyed that! Saturday Chanel had her first
babysitting job – for our neighbours across the street. She relished the
responsibility and the remuneration. We played quietly with the children (until
I started wrestling with them), did some odd jobs, and discovered that filling
up the Prado is an exercise in faith. That is one big fuel tank! We also took
Abbie on a special date with just her mum and dad, played putt-putt golf, and
talked to her about questions she’s been asking lately regarding inappropriate
content of movies. Abbie listened carefully, asked some good questions, and
took all of the ensuing information in her stride. We are amazed at this
wonderful girl.
Sunday began with great hope. Testimony meeting was scheduled
first. It was a good one. I love it when that meetings goes well. In priesthood
I taught about bringing Christ into our relationships in priesthood class. I
had wanted to teach an amazing lesson. I didn’t feel amazed by it. But it was
ok. I spent the afternoon home teaching. Some inspiring visits and blessings
given. Then Kylie took four young women to Campbelltown for choir practice.
That’s a long way to go for choir practice.
Now we’re both reflecting on our day and feeling grateful. Our
lives are blessed.
