Rejoicing - Even though it's old-fashioned

It’s miraculous the way blessings from heaven continue to manifest themselves into our lives. This week we’ve had more than we deserve, so we accept them gratefully and try to be worthy of them.

But before I touch on our highlights, we were delighted to see my little brother and his wife, Tim and Kesh, bring their first baby into their family. They had a baby boy after experiencing all of the pain, longsuffering, emotion, and anticipation that over 24 hours of labor produces. I rejoiced (sounds old fashioned but it’s the best way to describe how it felt) with Tim as we spoke of the sacred sacrifice a mother makes through childbirth. With no words to describe it, we knew exactly how the other felt. And we remain in awe at the awesomeness of our wives and their love for us and our children. I love seeing my little brother have these experiences. 

In light of Tim’s news, my week was generally quiet. I didn’t mention it, but two Sundays ago after Church I spent 90 minutes with one of the men who felt he was never going to be good enough to get to heaven. I spent time searching the scriptures with him, teaching him the doctrine of Christ, and the ‘Good News’ of the Gospel. Kylie quietly waited with the kids. As we wrapped things up I feared that my time was poorly spent. He seemed dejected, unmoved, and unresponsive. Last week he approached me and thanked me. He looked different, and he assured me he felt different. He felt his life was improving because of the gift of repentance.

Monday and Tuesday were quiet. We re-emphasised kindness and respect as family principles in family home evening. The children (and Kylie and I) have been struggling in these areas lately. Wednesday I spent the day marking. I received a midday phone call from a tv station and spent the afternoon preparing myself for ‘The Project’ that evening. After an afternoon of preparation I arrived for the interview and found out they’d changed the questions! I had about 12 minutes to get my head around the changes. The interview went well. National television offers opportunities to build my profile that money can’t buy. A quick aside – I invited the kids to come with me. Ella jumped at the chance, Abbie was playing with friends, and Chanel knocked me back immediately because she was going to spend time with the elderly couple who she’s been visiting each Wednesday for a few months. She is blessing their lives, and would rather go to be with them and play board games and chat than do the whole tv thing with me! I’m proud of this exceptional girl.

Wednesday I also booked in a job to be the ‘expert’ at a media briefing from a technology company about their latest research about children and the Internet. I felt as though I might be making progress with my business. And I was interviewed by a Brisbane newspaper about parenting issues as well. The news got better when I received another booking (for October) on Thursday. Blessings! And on Wednesday night my friend (who is rebuilding my website for free) put the new template online and it went live. Such a big difference. It looks vastly improved and I’m so grateful for his willingness to help me.

Thursday I rode a personal best on Macquarie Pass (27.01 for 7.7kms), suffered my way through another day at the office (I’m grateful for the job, but I still don’t like it), before taking the family to Nowra (1 hour away) to visit Tim, Kesh, and their as yet unnamed little boy. Abbie (aged 9) made me feel inferior by commenting that Tim had a son who would continue the Coulson name into the next generation, while I’d had five goes at it and was still unable to produce a successor. Ouch. Lucky I love her to death! We marvelled at the miracle of a newborn. We already love the little guy and can’t wait to watch him grow.

Friday was more banality at work. I rode home to enjoy a BBQ with Karina and Richie (and the 6 cousins) who were down from Gosford to visit Tim, Kesh, and the baby. We had a great night. Then I was interviewed by radio 2UE about parenting and sleepovers.

Saturday Kylie and I dealt with diarrhoea and vomit. Lilli was sick. In fact, during the night I had woken up to Lilli crying. After a moment I realised she was in the corridor. I heard her fall and dashed out of bed to be sure she wasn’t near the stairs. As I picked her up I felt something wet against my skin. Then I smelt it. Ewww. It was her already digested dinner, coming back up for another peak at the world, all over her front and mine. It was through her bed, on her floor... Kylie was kind enough to rise from her slumber to assist me.

We had a fitful sleep as we dealt with Lilli’s stomach bug, nappies, and crying. I left at 7.30 for a Church bike ride. A handful of men showed up, braving the threatening skies, and we rode 30kms together. The ride was enjoyed by all except me... it took more than twice the time I would normally take to do the ride. But it was about bonding more than bike riding, so as I watched my day disappear, I thought of the greater purpose and reasons for the ride and continued. The rest of Saturday was spent marking. Hmpf. I’ll be glad when I never have to mark another paper. (Chanel spent the day walking the neighbourhood earning money from the neighbours for odd jobs. She’s saving to go to Korea next year, and the way she’s going I think she’ll make it.)

Sunday we woke to two sick kids. Annie and Lilli were both doing poorly. I took Chanel, Abbie, and Ella to church while Kylie stayed home to nurse the babies. I had an interview with a member of our new Stake Presidency. He listened more than he spoke. It was a nice change... and I probably said too much as a result. Our sacrament meeting was uplifting with some inspiring testimonies shared. All three girls took separate opportunities to walk to the stand. I don’t encourage the kids to share their ‘testimonies’ but I don’t discourage it either. Each spoke thoughtfully, avoided the standard clichés so common when children share a testimony, and made me deeply grateful.

I taught the men about how God changes our hearts. Membership in God’s church is about more than whether our name is on the church records. It’s about our faithful and repentant hearts (D&C 10:37). We talked about mighty changes, incremental changes, the challenge to maintain our changes, and the need for repentance and Godly sorry. It felt good and right. I received unexpected gratitude from almost all of the class members.

Our afternoon was spent planning our week, planning our family holiday to Brisbane at the start of July, and preparing a fabulous roast dinner. Our evening was spent eating the dinner, plus extra helpings of Kylie’s peach crumble with custard and cream. With a week as good as that, we can’t wait for what’s in store this week.

Policy decisions

This has been a week of decisions.

Monday I had a meeting with our head of school (Psychology). I entered the office confident. A position (in fact, several positions) had become available and I suspected I might be given a short-term contract offer in relation to that role. Instead he informed me that the direction of the school was inconsistent with what I offer, and there are no short, medium, or long-term opportunities at the school for me. I walked out feeling quite low. I gave a lecture almost immediately after that meeting and felt better. I love lecturing and teaching.

My hours in the office are becoming a greater chore. I am finding less to be content with at the University. I suspect my head of school’s conversation with me may have accelerated my discontent.

Wednesday is my day off work, and I spent the day marking student assignments and making decisions that may affect the remainder of my life. I will be off contract at uni in 8 weeks. At that time I’ll be putting all of my effort into building my business. My attempts to do so this year have been flaky. But now I have the right ingredients to make it happen. My book is due out in 12 weeks. I no longer have the security and steadiness of the uni position. And I have a burning desire to do something that is meaningful and enjoyable in my life. I felt enthusiasm and momentum by the end of Wednesday. It was promptly quashed when I returned to work Thursday.

My lunchtime bike ride was my day’s highlight. I beat my previous record ascending a nearby mountain by over 30 seconds. I feel good when I ride my bike hard.

Friday I left work and drove to Sydney for a dinner I had been invited to as a wrap up for the charity bike ride (Pollie Pedal) I went on some months ago. It was held in a breathtaking home privately owned by one of the ride sponsors. It was on Sydney Harbour and was stunning in every way. The evening was delightful, with great food, and lots of catching up with new friends.

I spent some time talking with Tony Abbott, the man who hopes to become Australia’s next Prime Minister. We’d spoken briefly before. I was surprised he remembered my name. He was extremely warm. I asked him why he holds a policy position on an issue I feel he has wrong. His response surprised me. He completely agreed with me. Then he clearly pointed out that in the ‘real’ world, we can’t have what we want, and so his policy is aimed at getting us as close to the ideal as we can given that the ‘right’ outcomes are unachievable.

Saturday I tried to recover from a post-midnight arrival. I don’t do well without sleep. Kylie celebrated the birthdays of two friends while I stayed home for an early night. Then Sunday we enjoyed Church, some time with friends during the afternoon, and more roast chicken and vegetables. I savoured the peppermint choc chip ice-cream we had for dessert and felt blessed for the ongoing goodness in our lives.

Camping, and more media

I have few highlights to mention this week, but the highlights we’ve enjoyed have been wonderful. First, my book is now being sent to the printer. Dr John Irvine got his recommendation in to me just before it was too late to be included:

“I just love the way this book is written – very practical, very focused on parent issues and at the same time very humble; Justin is not saying “pedants hear the word” but rather here are some ideas that seem to work, what do you think? It’s practical, easy to read, well referenced and covers so many of the day to day topics that parents agonize about. It’s also well presented in case studies, summary points, quotes … and everything to make this book an eminently readable and sensible addition to the parental reference library.”

I’m grateful that these people, who are so busy, sought after, and respected, are willing to lend their names and their support to my work. It feels terrific to know that my words are going to be printed and made available for everyone to own and read.

I had considerable media attention this past week. Once again, the nationwide high-stakes standardised testing regime has commenced for children in years 3, 5, 7, and 9. I wrote a piece about how it is affecting our children and how the negatives of the testing outweigh any benefits that it is claimed to give. The article was published online at The Punch. Then ABC radio Sydney got hold of it and rang me. Then I was on ABC radio Brisbane. I got printed in the Daily Telegraph, and the local Wollongong paper. I was filmed for the local news, and also ended up on national television with The Project and the TODAY show.

I finished work early Thursday (with some hours I held in lieu) and we took the family camping to Glenworth Valley, on the Central Coast. It was a quiet, wide open space. The weather was perfect. Our preparation was better than it has been previously. We had a delightful time, and some learning experiences: first, don’t camp near trees. The dew drops onto the tent are a form of torture. One every three seconds will keep you awake all night. Second, children will swim in water no matter how cold it is. Third, it is not possible to pack enough clothing for children to stay clean while camping. Finally, no bedding alternative comes close to the comfort of my bed.

For Christmas last year Alisa and Adam kindly gave our family some cash instead of gifts. Kylie and I decided that we would use that money for camping trips. So with that money, Kylie and Chanel went on a two-hour trail ride on the horses. We also paid for a ‘lead pony’ (which was a slightly older, more tired horse) for Abbie, Ella, and Annie to ride. Kylie led them around the fields for an hour and they loved it.

The woman leading the trail ride that Kylie and Chanel were on was taken with Chanel’s delightful personality, and her enthusiasm for horses (which was previously unknown). Chanel was invited to ‘volunteer’ as a worker. So Saturday morning Chanel went to the office at 7.30am, brushed and saddled horses, fed them, rode them, shoveled poop, threw hay off the back of a moving vehicle, and generally worked hard. Abbie and Ella were terribly disappointed that volunteers must be 12 years or older. I collected Chanel at 5.30pm for the long drive back to Wollongong. Chanel was bubbling with delight. (And she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.)

Sunday we felt good to be wake up clean and in our own beds. Church was quiet. I need to be more purposeful. The roast chicken and potatoes we had for dinner made me grateful for the blessed and abundant lives we lead.

Mother's Day Pancakes

Mother’s Day. While part of me is annoyed at the crass triumph of commercialism that promotes the ‘need’ we have to celebrate our mothers by spending money on them, another (perhaps larger) part of me thinks it is important that we all stop and take the time to appreciate ‘mum’. I think it should be more than once a year though.

Today my focus was on Kylie, ensuring the children had a chance to tell her of their love and appreciation. Things didn’t start so well. Lilli had Kylie and I out of bed far too early – certainly before I had a chance to prepare breakfast in bed. Nevertheless, Kylie ate delicious muesli, the very best (Gippsland) yogurt, and then some eggs on toast for a special Mother’s Day breakfast. The children shared their cards and gifts. I spoke briefly to my mum, Kylie’s mum, and Nanna Bunt before realising we were late to church.

Chanel sang a Mother’s day song in church, and our sacrament meeting also focused on the Christlike example of the speaker’s mothers. Sunday school was uplifting. My priesthood lesson on prayer was flat – perhaps because we only had three of us in attendance – but as we closed I recalled two things my mother always taught me about prayer. I shared those things and left the meeting feeling uplifted. Mum always corrected me when I said “I hope” for something. Instead, mum would scold me, “say I pray”, and then do it. Mum taught me not to hope until AFTER I’d prayed. I also shared my favourite story of mum insisting on prayer when we were lost out in the Watagan mountains on a 4WD trip. As I recall, Dad insisted on turning around and trying to find our way out. Mum suggested, then demanded, we pray. After our prayer we drove another few hundred metres before finding someone who was able to direct us to our destination. I felt grateful for my mother and her example of faith to me.

Lunch was shared with some friends, D & A and their four children. We were supposed to have a picnic but terrible winds blew that plan away. We ate pancakes with ice-cream, raspberries, peaches, and syrup. Decadent. Then Kylie and A played craft while D and I took the kids to the beach for a walk. Tonight I cleaned, spoke on the phone to wish Nanna Coulson a happy mother’s day, and put the kids to bed. Kylie has an upset stomach so I’ve left her to recover and relax. Hopefully she’ll feel better in the morning. It’s been a big day and I’m ready to drop.

The past two weeks have gone quickly, but not a great deal has been worth reporting. Work is still failing to inspire, but it is enough for us, and we are grateful for it. Abbie May ran in her district cross-country and shocked us with her result. Last year at the district event Abbie came 17^th in her group. This year she improved to come 9^th. We were delighted with Abbie’s effort and she was thrilled to have made such a leap in twelve months.

Beyond that, Chanel had a school camp for two nights. We missed her and were pleased to have her return. I rode my bike to Gosford (200km) last Saturday for a family dinner. Kylie drove with the children (I have a very tolerant wife). Kylie and I watched a movie, The Avengers, which was mildly entertaining (I give it 6.5 out of 10).

Lastly, during the week some friends came to us when we discovered some serious psychological difficulties for their teenage child. We were able to spend some hours with them, listening, offering support, and eventually working with them until they reached a point where they felt comfortable seeking further assistance from appropriately trained people. We felt grateful to be able to be trusted, to be able to help, and to know that our own children are healthy and thriving. Our lives are blessed beyond deserving.

Getting it right

In the past week or two we have moved Lilli out of her cot and into a big bed. Our two year-old has made the cot that has served five daughters redundant. Despite finding her sleeping UNDER the bed one night, and finding her sleeping in the closet another night, Lilli seems to have made the transition to the big bed quite well.

The change has required some bedroom reorganisation. Chanel finally has her own room and is really appreciating her own personal space. Abbie and Ella share in the bunk beds. Lilli and Annie are sharing their room. It seems to working quite well.

Monday I had an appointment with the doctor. I was experiencing my 8^th consecutive day of the same headache. I had blood tests and scans but nothing was found to be wrong. My boss suggested that I take a few days off and rest. I embraced the idea – except for the ‘rest’ part. I organised for a massage (painful and no fun, but necessary), and then spent a couple of days marking exams, marking papers, and catching up on work around the house. Plus I spent a little time on Happy Families things as well.

Wednesday was ANZAC day. Kylie went to the dawn service while I “watched” the kids. They’re pretty easy to watch at 4.30am. Fortunately my snoring didn’t wake them up. We enjoyed a morning in the park with friends, ate lunch together, and then I took some time out to visit Nan and Pop Bunt in Auburn. We had a fun time. I took on Nan in a crossword challenge. Despite the fact that I was holding the paper – and the clues, letters, and pen – Nan was exceptional. She knew words I’d never heard of, and answered the crossword clues before I could even get all the information out. Then I showed her how to play Sudoku. That was great fun, and Nan seemed energised by the challenge. I visited the temple after my visit to Nan, making the day feel entirely worthwhile and fulfilling. We packed a lot of good quality activities into a short time.

I also received some feedback on my book from Wally Goddard. The man has been someone I look up to for over a decade now. After reading the book he wrote the following as a recommendation: “This wise, insightful, and engaging book is one of the best parenting books I have ever read! I recommend it to you wholeheartedly.” All of these remarkable people writing such kind things about my work is humbling. I find myself wondering if they really read it! I hope the mums and dads who read it feel the same way.

I feel as though we are starting to work out the best way to make weekends work. Saturday was a dream. Kylie and I rode 45kms while the children woke up and organised themselves. I took Annie to the park for two hours and began her bike riding lessons. She did well for a 4 year-old who hasn’t ridden before. I took the training wheels off and ran alongside her. My back ached by the end (from running so far while bending over and supporting her) but she made some exciting progress. We took the family, and Benson, to the beach for a swim at lunch. The water is still delightful despite being a month away from winter. Then Kylie went to Campbelltown for a church activity and I watched the new Tin Tin movie with the kids. We loved it. Non-stop action, funny, and very well made. Kylie arrived home late to find a vase full of lilies, some ginger kisses, and the new Mission Impossible movie set up and ready to go. Great movie. Late night. Paying for it today.

Sunday was quiet. Church was uneventful. I delegated my teaching to an assistant and simply enjoyed being there today. Tonight Kylie and Chanel are back in Campbelltown for a youth activity, the children are well fed, and life is peaceful... until it all starts again in the morning.

Sunday Roast

This week began with an unexpected flurry. Kylie received a call from her family in Brisbane and decided that she missed her folks and her sisters. We had been discussing the idea of Kylie taking our children up to QLD to be with them during the school holidays but had dismissed the idea as too hard. The phone call must have touched Kylie’s “missing my parents” bone, and she unexpectedly reversed our previous decision, telling me that she wanted to be with them. We packed the car, prayed for safety, and said goodbye. Kylie arrived in Brisbane around 13 hours later, at 10pm Monday night – with all the kids still alive, phew.

As we packed the car I had a funny incident with Ella. She was looking for something that was important and was upset, claiming it was lost. Annoyed, I responded by asking, “Well Ella, where do you think you probably left it?” Without missing a beat Ella gently reprimanded me. “Dad, if I knew where I left it I wouldn’t be looking for it because it wouldn’t be lost.” Part of me wanted to let her know I don’t like to be talked to like that. But the better part of me won out and I thanked her for her clarity and logic. We hugged and continued searching.

While Kylie spent valuable time with family in Brisbane I worked. My workload has been enormous. Teaching, lecturing, researching, marking, writing, reviewing, and who knows what else? Monday night I visited Tim and Kesh in Gerringong and ate pasta – really good pasta. And ice-cream – really really good ice-cream. I had the most fun I’ve had with my little brother in a long time.

Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were long, tedious days at the office. They were tinged with a few small highlights though. The best one of all was that I received a hard copy of the book I’ve written. I now need to review it to see if there are any further revisions required. This is my last chance to make any changes, and then it gets printed. I also received three cover ‘roughs’ to determine what the book will actually look like. It’s really starting to happen now. The momentum is building and so is my anticipation.

In addition, several people have read the draft of the book and sent through some very positive endorsements. They include this from Professor Todd Kashdan, author of several books including “Curious”:

"One of the most thoughtful, intelligent discussions of parenting. I found myself nodding my head in agreement, talking to friends and family about passages, and immediately applying techniques. A fantastic resource for the most difficult and meaningful part of our lives."

And this from Professor Tim Sharp – Australia’s “Dr Happy”:

"This is an important book on arguably the most important topic of all. Justin does a fantastic job of distilling the latest parenting research into readable and practical words of advice mums and dads so desperately want and need." 

I’m feeling pretty pleased about things, and increasingly grateful for the blessing to have the book written. I still reflect on the incredible feelings of gratitude I had when I received the phone call to say I was getting a book deal. I feel so blessed.

Friday night the hours could not go fast enough. Kylie was driving home again. I love reunions.

Saturday was superb. Kylie did craft, sewing gifts for Kesh’s baby shower which was scheduled for the afternoon. Her creativity and the quality of her work is amazing. I took the five children to the beach with the dog for a little over two hours. They swam, ran, built sandcastles, and complained when it was time to leave. We drove to Kesh’s parent’s place, arriving an hour late for the baby shower. But it was good to be there.

Sunday we attended Stake Conference in Campbelltown. A new Stake President was called, which only happens once every ten years or so, and there must have been over 1000 people in attendance... maybe more. Some inspiring talks were given and it felt good to be there. I left feeling better than I felt when I arrived.

During our Sunday roast the children started parroting their favourite movie lines. As I watched the children I had a wonderful feeling of satisfaction. They are growing up feeling secure, happy, and confident. They know how to laugh and enjoy themselves. They have sharp minds. They are a delight to watch and listen to. The chicken, potatoes, and vegetables were as good as a meal can be. But they were nothing compared to the feast of gratitude I gobbled down as I watched my family – growing up in front of my eyes – enjoying one another’s company around our dinner table on an otherwise ordinary Sunday night.